Our Love is Madness
by supercommpromises
Summary: Mike thinks he's doing the right thing, as usual, but both he and El soon discover it's not that easy to break up with your soulmate. (Shameless smut, hate sex, makeup sex, multi-chapter, happy ending)
1. Chapter 1

**_AN:_**

 ** _I'm back with another multi-chapter story. This one won't be long but it needs the depth. Requested by SmoothFluffle: Mike and El break up but can't keep their hands off of each other._**

 ** _It's kind of, um, violent at first so if you're not into that wait for the next chapter._**

* * *

"But, I mean, we can still be friends. I want to be friends. But I don't want to hold you back just because I'm not here."

El was staring at him, hearing the words but still unable to process anything. Across the table from her, Mike was sweating profusely, looking pained and nervous.

"You want… to be friends," she repeated dumbly.

"Um… yeah. Is that okay?" He licked his lips. "Like, I still want to hang out with you and the guys and Max and talk about life and school and stuff but…"

"But you don't want to date me anymore."

"Um, it's not that I don't _want_ to, but I'll be so far away, El, it's not fair for me to hold you back. You might find someone better while I'm away and I wouldn't…" he swallowed, like the words hurt to say, "I wouldn't want to keep you from being happy. With someone else."

It was starting to really hit her, what he was saying, and anger filled her body.

"You _want_ me to find someone else?!"

"Well, no, but—"

"But what, Mike? You're breaking up with me," she winced at the reality in the those words. "At least fucking tell me why!"

He turned red, looking around the diner nervously, hoping her outburst hadn't drawn attention. It was mostly deserted anyways but the waitress at the counter gave them a look. He gulped.

"I… I did, El. I told you, I'm going to MIT and that's a _fourteen_ hour drive, I won't be home until Christmas, _if_ I can afford a flight, and—"

"And you want to find someone else there," she accused, suddenly insecure. "You want someone closer."

His eyes widened in confusion and then worry as he shook his head.

"No, not at all! I don't want someone closer, or someone else. I don't want to replace you, El, you're my best friend," his eyes softened. "I promise."

That damn word. He only used it when he meant it and she knew he wasn't lying. But it didn't make it hurt any less and she shook her head as her eyes filled with tears.

"So you just don't want _me_."

"No!" His voice was thick. "I _do_ want you, more than anything, but I have to do what's best for us. What's best for you, El."

" _How do you know what's best for me?!"_

Her voice rang through the diner and the few patrons turned to look. She felt their stares but didn't care, in too much pain to see anything that wasn't his stricken face in front of her. He looked like he wanted to apologize or take it back and for a moment she was hopeful.

But then he set his jaw and crossed his arms, looking down at his untouched hash browns with a heavy sigh. Her heart sank. He was serious.

"Fine," she hissed, standing up. "But you could at least waited until the end of the summer you asshole."

It was only June and he would be in town until August and she would have to see him around. Hawkins wasn't big and they had the same friend group, there was no way she could avoid running into him and she didn't understand why he was doing this _now_.

"I… I thought it would help. We'd both get used to it…" he trailed off at the sight of her face, looking like he was regretting everything.

"Oh, you want to _help_ me? Here!"

She grabbed her half-empty strawberry milkshake and threw it into his face, watching as the pink liquid splattered into his eyes and dripped down his nose. He spluttered, surprised, and the satisfaction she'd felt in the moment suddenly melted into despair.

"El," he started to try and say something but she was done.

"Goodbye, Mike."

She turned and fled, not letting the tears fall until she was out of sight, walking down the side of the familiar road by herself in the dark and feeling like everything was falling apart. Because it was. They'd been together for so long she didn't know what she was supposed to feel without him. Why did he think he was doing the right thing when it so clearly wasn't?

Her heart ached.

* * *

It had been a week and she'd done the typical post-breakup thing. Max had brought over several different kinds of ice cream—and Eggos—and they two had sat on the couch in the Byers living room and watched every rom-com they could get their hands on. El alternated between yelling angrily at the TV and crying in her friend's arms.

He brothers wisely stayed out of it, especially Will who had a divided loyalty, but Joyce had been the usual bottomless well of love and support and El found herself sleeping in her mom's bed several nights, staring up at the ceiling as tears leaked from her eyes. Nothing had made it better and she was tired of hurting.

Part of her was still waiting.

Every time the doorbell or the phone rang, her heart jumped, hoping maybe it was him, saying he was sorry he was so stupid, that he wanted to see her and hold her and tell her he loved her.

But it was quiet. Other than Max.

"We're going, Eleven. You promised me you would and now you have to," Max was standing in El's room, digging through her closet. "Besides, you've been moping for an entire week. It's time to face humanity again."

"I don't want to. You can't make me."

"You know I can," Max rolled her eyes as she pulled out a slinky, purple metallic dress. "Do you want me to make you?"

Max was strong enough to actually throw El over her shoulder and carry her out and they both knew it. El groaned.

"Please don't make me. What if… he's there?"

"His lameass probably didn't even get invited, El. He's a nerdy loser, remember? They don't get invited to cool kid parties. But," she turned and smiled. "You and I do. So we have to go. And you should wear this dress."

"Max—"

"It's not a question."

El was a little tired of being home and it was enough to get her into the dress and then the bathroom, where she teased her hair and slicked on ruby red lipstick and silver eyeshadow. Part of her wanted to look extra good but she didn't know why. She had no one to impress.

She definitely looked hot, she could tell, and soon enough her and Max were standing outside of Jennifer Hayes's house, walking into the party that was already in full swing. It was kind of a last hurrah, the newly-minted Class of '89 getting together to get wasted one last time before everyone went their separate ways.

El let Max pull her through the crowded rooms, drinking some mix of alcohol out a cup and pretending like she was having fun.

But she wasn't. Guys kept grabbing her ass (which admittedly looked really good) and people she didn't know kept talking to her about things she didn't care about. Max joined a game of beer pong and El found herself doing the thing she always did, heading upstairs to try and find some peace and quiet.

But usually Mike was there too. She would drag him to parties and he would gamely tag along and they would get tipsy enough to have fun before sneaking to an abandoned room and fucking each other senseless.

But she was alone now.

She found herself heading upstairs anyway, wanting to just escape for a minute and find a place where the music wasn't shrieking in her ears and everything didn't smell like weed. All of the rooms were shut, but that didn't mean they were occupied and she knocked on one, getting an "fuck off!" in return. The second one was similar but more angry. The third surprised her, a muffled "come in!" replacing the annoyed yells and she shrugged, opening the door.

She'd maybe expected some couple who would invited her for a threesome or maybe some random guy she didn't know hoping to get something from her. But instead it was the last person she expected to see here.

" _Mike?!_ "

Her cup hit the carpet at her feet and he blinked at her in surprise from where he sat on the floor, a textbook sitting front of him. He'd been studying. At a party. She wasn't surprised at that.

He looked as unsure as she felt.

"Um, hey, El," he swallowed nervously. "Having… fun?"

"Why are you here?" she blurted.

"Lucas made me come. But he started talking to some girl and abandoned me."

"And you're… studying?"

"Yeah, I got my textbooks for summer reading and figured I might as well start. Apparently I'm supposed to know most of this stuff beforehand which isn't intimidating at all…"

"You'll do fine, Mike," she rolled her eyes. "You always do.

It was such a normal conversation. One that would have happened between them at his house as they sat in his room and made out. If he hadn't dumped her.

Suddenly all of it came rushing back, what he had done and said, and she scowled down at him.

"So you're still fine with your stupid plan."

"It's not stupid, El, I'm trying to do what's best—"

"Shut up, Mike."

He stood, looking nervous, but as she shook her head and refused to listen to him he bristled.

"It's not my fault you don't understand what I'm trying to do, El," he scoffed, sounding dangerously condescending.

She took two steps closer, glaring up at him.

"It's not my fault you're a fucking coward, Mike," she spat.

"You still don't get it."

"Get what? That you're too afraid to admit that you don't want me anymore? That you think I can't handle it and even though you're okay with breaking my heart you won't hurt me with the truth?" she screamed.

They were chest to chest and he stared down at her, eyes hard, glancing down at the sweetheart neckline of her dress where her breasts swelled prettily. She saw him lick his lips, saw the split second of hunger in his eyes and she realized she was wrong. He did still want her.

"El—"

She jumped him, throwing herself onto him so forcefully he fell back onto the bed behind him, grunting as she landed on him. But he didn't have time to think as she yanked his head to hers, slamming her lips against his and moaning as his hands found her hips and tugged her onto his crotch, where she could feel him hardening.

He definitely still wanted her. Which meant he was lying.

"You're a shit liar," she hissed.

His hands were ripping at her dress, trying to pull it up and over her head, finally succeeding and letting his gaze move up and down her body hungrily, looking like he was going to devour her. It had only been a week but clearly he'd missed her. His lips were suddenly everywhere and then he flipped both of them, so he was on top, lips ravaging her neck.

"Shut up, El," he growled as he unhooked her bra.

The score was uneven and she grabbed the collar of his polo and pulled so hard she accidentally ripped it off his shirt, but she didn't notice, too busy stripping his clothes off of him. She didn't like him telling her what to do, not after what he'd broken her heart. He didn't get to do that.

His jeans were on the floor and they were both in their underwear, panting. His collarbone was in front of her and she leaned up, kissing it surprisingly softly, feeling him relax. Then she sunk her teeth into the flesh on his pectoral, hard enough to bruise, and he yelped, pushing her off of him. She fell back onto the bed but grinned at the sight of the red welt that was forming on his chest. Good. She wanted him to remember this.

He was shocked enough for her to gain the upper hand, flipping them again so she was on top, straddling him and rubbing her panty-covered core over his hardened dick. She reached into his underwear and pulled it out, holding it tightly in her hand and feeling his pulse there. His heart was racing and he was hard as a rock.

Reaching down she pushed the crotch of her panties to the side, in too much of a rush to want to stop and take them off. He grabbed her hips as she hovered over him, lining herself up over him and lowering herself right over the tip, biting her lip and giving him a wolfish look as he entered her just a bit.

"Admit it," she provoked him, "you missed me."

His eyes narrowed but he said nothing and she frowned, confused for a second.

But then he dug his fingers into her hips so hard she could feel the bruises that would form, and he wrenched her down onto his throbbing erection, thrusting his hips up at the same.

"Ah, fuck!" she yelped, her hands balling into fists as he filled her too suddenly, stretching her and making her whimper.

It hurt, but in a good way and he grinned at her reaction, looking triumphant, like he'd just won whatever silent battle they were having with her bodies. He gave her two seconds to adjust before he bounced her in his lap and she shrieked again, her hands suddenly on his shoulders as she tried to catch her breath and acclimate herself to the sudden invasion.

"Still think I'm a coward?" he growled, eyes glinting.

"A stupid coward," she hissed, taunting him. "The biggest fucking idiot I've ever—ah! Oh, ahh, fuck!"

He didn't let her finish her sentence, keeping his grip on her hips and bouncing her again, only this time thrusting his up at the same time and going so deep her eyes almost crossed. He did it again, enjoying having total control over her, making her ride him roughly, his bony hips leaving bruises on her inner thighs as he made her fuck him.

El was seeing stars, her body protesting against each thrust but also craving it, the anger she felt responding to his own frustrations. She wanted to make him feel good but she also wanted to make him _suffer_ and she ripped her nails down the sides of his arms as she threw her head back and cried out. He grunted in pain and she grinned, looking down and meeting his eyes with a sultry grin.

This was completely new. They had fucked while sad, happy, desperate, even frantic. But never angry, never so full of… hatred. It was hate sex and they were _reveling_ in it.

"Ow, fuck, El," he snarled. "You shouldn't have done that."

"Why," she shot back, panting as he kept pounding her, "are you afraid you'll have to explain the scratches to your _mom?_ "

He growled and suddenly she was on her back, underneath him, and he was pulling out of her, flipping her onto her stomach and then _thrusting_ into her, dragging her hips up to meet his as he started fucking her ruthlessly from behind. She let out a squeak, her back arching involuntarily, and she bit back another moan, not wanting him to know how good he was making her feel.

"I know what you fucking like, El," he leaned down, his breath hot in her ear. "I know what you want me to do. Will you still moan like a slut for me? Still beg me to make you cum on my dick?"

Whatever was in him was making him crude and she bit back an angry retort, refusing to give him the satisfaction until she could think of a good comeback. But it was hard to think when his hips were slapping against her ass, each thrust so deep she felt him press against her cervix and a whimper escaped her despite herself.

"There it is." He sounded smug. "Let it out, El."

"N-No," she groaned. "I-I only moan for my _boyfriend_."

It was as painful as an actual slap across the face and he slowed for two seconds, stunned by the ferocity of her verbal jab. She whipped her head around and bucked her hips back against him, glaring. She had wanted to make him feel her words and hurt, not make him stop fucking her.

"If you don't make cum in the next thirty seconds I'll never talk to you again."

"Fine."

He was getting tired but there was no way he was going to admit it, instead reaching forward and shoving her face down against the pillow in front of her and then flipping her onto her back, pulling her to him by her thighs with a rude jerk. His dick was slick from being inside her and he grinned as he realized just how turned on she was. Some things didn't change.

She groaned when he plunged into her again, just as roughly as before, and then wrapped her legs around his hips, helping him and squeezing tightly around him. He grunted and then started moving again, staring down into her eyes. Tilting her hips up he took a deep breath and then thrusted into her, grinning as she cried out, her eyes rolling back as he did it again.

They were noisy, grunting and groaning and moaning, their bodies colliding loudly, unable to keep quiet if they wanted. He fucked her relentlessly, watching as her mouth gaped open and her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes rolled back. He knew what her o-face looked like and he reached down and thumbed her clit, knowing her body and what it needed to fall over that edge.

She exploded on him, her whole body tensing up, her legs shaking as she screamed, one word on her tongue.

"Mike!"

Her walls clenched and he growled, not wanting to stop fucking her but knowing it was impossible not finish when she was _squeezing_ his dick so tightly, like she always did, and—

"Fuck, El!"

He exploded too, deep inside of her as his hips stuttered and then he collapsed onto her heavily, his mouth crashing onto hers. Her hands were in his hair and they kissed so frantically it was almost heartbreaking, not wanting the moment to end.

But it had to and she pulled back, gasping for air.

"Fuck," she breathed.

"Fuck," he groaned in agreement.

He rolled off of her, pulling out stickily, and flopped onto his back. His arms and shoulders stung from where she'd left nail marks and scratches and he turned his head to look at her. She was wincing too and he frowned.

"Are you okay?"

"You just…" she shifted her hips, a hand in her stomach. "You fucked me way too hard… I'm going to so be sore, owww," she whined.

"Good. That's what you get for biting me."

He touched the welt and ground his teeth at how much it stung. Fuck. _She must be super pissed_ , he realized.

Part of him had been kind of playing along with the angry narrative she'd set, being rough and frustrated, but he wasn't as actually as mad as he'd seemed. He didn't like her calling him names when he was trying to do the right thing, but a lot of his actions had been spurred by her own. Clearly she was furious and the cloud anger filled the room again as she sat up and scooted away from him.

They redressed in silence, unsure of how to talk about what had happened between them. Would she hate him forever? Would she really not let him be her friend? Would they actually be able to find other people who could fuck each other as good as they did?

"I hope you enjoyed that while you could," she finally piped up as she slid her dress back down over her body. "Because it's never happening again. I might just go find someone else right now. Get the feeling of you off of me."

He frowned and as she reached for her panties on the floor he snatched them away, his own rage rising up inside of him. They were thin and cotton and she watched as he rather suddenly ripped them in half and then handed them back.

"What the _hell_ , Mike?" she shrieked.

He finished buttoning his pants and then grabbed his book off the floor.

"If you're going to act like a slut then I'm sure you won't mind having my cum dripping down your thighs for the rest of the night," he growled. "Try explaining that to someone else."

Her mouth dropped open at the lewdness and audacity of his words but he didn't give her a chance to reply as he turned and opened the door, leaving her in the room alone.

She didn't know how she should feel after that. Part of her was still angry, but a bigger part felt… relieved? He definitely knew how she felt now, how angry she was at him for just abandoning her so suddenly. But he had still wanted her. The ache between her legs proof of that.

He'd called her a slut and that had stung, but it was always a challenge, never an outright insult. It was his insecurity that she _would_ find someone else, someone better than him, and that she might not be his.

Part of her wanted to take it as a challenge, but the more she thought about the more she realized she couldn't. There wasn't a single person in this tiny shitty town that she wanted inside of her like that other than Mike. How could he not know that?

She sighed, realizing that staying in the room wouldn't help, finally getting up and leaving, hoping to find Max.

Her friend was on a couch downstairs, talking to… Lucas? El glanced around warily as she approached them.

"Max can we go home now?" she asked, suddenly feeling exhausted. "Oh, um, hi Lucas."

"Hey, El. Sorry for bringing Mike. He said he ran into you and then he like… bolted. Said he would walk home. For the record I told him he was being stupid trying to break up with you but he won't listen to me. As usual."

Lucas was on her side, and her heart warmed at the realization.

"Yeah, uh, I ran into him upstairs. We kind of had… a fight," she shrugged, figuring it was the truth.

"Are you okay, El?" Max asked, suddenly alarmed, realizing how disheveled her friend looked.

El blinked, unsure what to say. But then she felt something warm drip down her thigh, felt the ache between her legs and the ghost of his fingers bruising her hips—and she suddenly felt triumphant. He still wanted her and she wasn't about to let him forget that.

"Yeah, I feel great," she smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

**_AN:_**

 ** _I don't love this because it makes me sad. I haven't written anything like it before but here you go. It's going to get better after this, I swear._**

* * *

It had been a week and half. The silence was back and it was driving El a little bit crazy that their party rendezvous hadn't been enough for him to believe she was still adamant about not being dumped. What was it going to take? She wasn't going to beg, her pride wouldn't allow it, but at the same time she missed him. A lot.

She'd hung out with Will and Dustin and Lucas when they'd all come over, but Mike's absence was so obvious that it felt awkward the whole time. She hated it, that she couldn't even live normally without him. But at the same time she had no idea what she would say if she saw him.

Today she was at the grocery store, holding a basket and a small list. Joyce was an amazing mother, but she couldn't cook to save her life so usually El bought the groceries and ended up making dinner for her family. Mike's mom had taught her well the past seven years and she could make a damn good casserole.

She missed his family too. Karen's excitement and advice, Holly's girl talk and playtime, even his dad's lame jokes and snoring in the Lay-Z-Boy. It felt like part of her was missing.

Walking down the canned food aisle she scanned the shelves for cream of potato soup, an important ingredient for the chicken pot pie she wanted to make. The grocery store wasn't huge, they usually had what she wanted, but she couldn't find the damn soup. Then she saw the label, on the top shelf of course, and stood up on her toes, trying to stretch and feel around for the can she knew had to be there.

She was short, she knew that, and she tried climbing the bottom shelf, biting her lip as the shelving swayed a bit under her weight. Of course she could always used her powers but… she tried not to anymore. Unless it was an emergency.

Biting her lip she reached again, focusing, her fingers just brushing the edge of the can.

"Here," a voice said from behind her and she felt someone brush up against her.

A long, skinny arm reached, familiar, awkward hands grabbing the can of soup and pulling it from the top shelf. She frowned but hopped off the shelving and then turned, knowing who it was before she even looked.

Mike looked a bit nervous, holding the can out to her and she took it, still frowning.

"I didn't need your help," she huffed. "I almost had it."

"You could have knocked the whole shelf over," he argued. "Do I not even get a thank you?"

She crossed her arms and cocked an eyebrow.

"Do I?"

Obviously she was referring to the last time they'd seen each other and she'd jumped his bones. He squirmed a bit, reaching up to scratch his arm.

"Was I supposed to thank you for nearly ripping my skin off my arms? I had to tell everyone I got in a fight with a feral cat…" he pulled up his sleeve and showed her the thin line of scabbing.

"Well I could barely walk the next two days so that's probably fair," she shrugged, unapologetic.

There was a tension between them and she tried to think of something to say. For a moment she wavered, considering breaking down and throwing herself into his arms, crying and begging and telling him how much she missed him.

But the pride didn't let her and instead she stood up straighter, pushing her shoulders back, and turned around, strutting away. It had been pure luck that she'd happened to wear the skirt he knew she liked, the red one from her cheerleading days, and she felt confident knowing there was no way he wasn't watching her.

She wondered if this was going to be it, and she bit her lip as she headed for the checkout, immediately tensing as he got into line behind her, holding a carton of ice cream. Birthday cake flavor, she noticed, suddenly worried. It was Holly's favorite that she only got when she was sick or in pain.

"Is Holly okay?" she asked him and he looked surprised.

"Um, she had to get a tooth pulled, cause it as crowding her other teeth. She's not really supposed to have ice cream today but…"

"She gave you the eyes?"

"Yeah," he smiled softly.

It was another one of those weird moments that just felt so normal. Like nothing had changed even though it had. Her heart ached again and she turned away quickly to pay for her food, biting back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. She couldn't.

"Tell her I miss her," she mumbled.

She fled, almost blasting the sliding doors out of her way, needing to just be alone for a second, but knowing he would see her in her car. So she ran for the edge of the building, going around the side, almost to the very back, that faced one of the various, empty wooded areas that lined Hawkins. She knew no one would find her there and she let the sob out, let the tears come, hiccupping and sniffling and crying into her hands, her grocery bags on the ground as—

"El?"

 _Damn it_.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Of course he followed her. Of course he asked if she was okay. Of course he had to still be himself and care about her despite how angry and hurt they both were. Because he was Mike and he was a good person regardless of his stupid choices.

"Why the fuck do you care?" she spat, wiping at her eyes.

He blinked, like he was surprised.

"I… I do still care about you, El. I told you I wanted to be friends… I just thought it would be better without the… commitment. While I'm away."

"So you want to care about me but not be committed to me."

"No, I… it's not about me. I want to do what's best for both of us."

She had been staring at the ground, avoiding his eyes, but then she felt his hand on her chin, tilting it up, oh so gentle. Her heart stuttered and despite her pride and her anger, she leaned into it, pressing her cheek to his palm and sighing, wanting to be able to remember the feeling of his gentle, loving caresses.

Her eyes were closed but she felt him tilt her chin, felt his familiar breath on her cheek. His lips brushed hers, like a question and she answered, pressing her face to his. After the anger of their last meeting this was like cool rain, sprinkling on the embers that still glowed in her heart.

His hands were tangling in her hair and she was pressed against him, her arms reaching up as they lost themselves in each other. It was desperate, but the hatred for each other's actions was gone and it was just pure longing that stretched between them.

Suddenly he reached down, hoisting her up, and she wrapped her legs around his hips as he took two steps and pressed her back against the brick wall of the building. It was cool compared to his hot body pressed on her front and she shivered, pulling his lips down again and kissing him desperately, begging him without words. He jerked his head back and gasped for breath, his forehead still resting against hers as she slid her hands down the front of him, towards the waistband of his jeans. Their eyes met and she could see the question in them.

"Just… one last time? I… I don't want to remember hating you," she whispered.

"Here?" he asked, glancing around.

They were behind a grocery store where anyone could find them if they turned the corner, but she nodded, biting her lip, desperate.

"Now, please," she pleaded knowing she might change her mind if it didn't happen right then in that moment. " _Please_ , Mike."

He'd never been able to say no, and if in that breath she'd begged him to take her back, he might not have been able to refuse her again. But her request was more simple and he silently agreed that he didn't want to remember their last time being intimate being so angry and filled with hate. He pressed an apologetic kiss to her temple, cupping her face in his hands.

"I'm sorry I called you a slut," he mumbled. "I didn't mean it. Any of it."

"I didn't mean it either, about finding someone else. I don't want anyone else."

 _I only want you._

It was unspoken but it was there and he kissed her, gently, before pressing against her harder, rubbing himself against her and sighing as she trailed her hand down, sneaking it into his jeans and stroking him. She knew what made him feel good and in mere seconds he was straining against her hand, panting quietly into her ear as she sucked the edge his earlobe, her breath tickling his neck.

He reached down with one hand, making sure to keep a firm grip with the other, and they worked together to unbutton his pants and pull his dick out. Her short skirt, the one they both knew he loved, was already bunched up around her hips and she easily moved her panties aside as he pushed in.

It was slow and careful. She slid down enough to take him in as he pushed forward, filling her as she whimpered, her arms around his neck, holding them together closely.

"El," he groaned, closing his eyes at the feeling. "You still feel so good."

"Only for you," she whispered, so soft he almost he didn't hear it.

But he didn't have a reply, instead moving his hips, pressing her back against the wall as he buried his nose in her hair, trying to breath her in and remember each and every detail of this final meeting. He sped up a bit and listened to her quiet panting and whimpers, closing his eyes and trying to memorize the sounds she made for him as he moved in her. His favorite symphony.

Her hips swiveled to meet his, making the sensation more intense and he groaned as he pressed a kiss to her forehead, wanting her to know how much he appreciated her. When he pulled back to kiss her lips he realized her cheeks were wet, eyes snapping open and looking down at her face. She was crying, silent tears streaming down her cheeks, and he felt his heart shatter.

"El," he stopped moving. "Are you—"

"Don't stop, Mike. Please, I'm okay," she gave him a watery smile.

"But you're crying… you're sad," he protested. "We shouldn't be doing this if it makes you sad."

She rolled her hips against him and he shuddered despite himself as she tightened around him, his breath catching in her throat.

"Just… pretend like you still love me a little longer? I need you to, please."

Her eyes were begging and she undulated against him, hands trailing up and resting on the back of his neck. Despite her tears she still wanted him and he nodded, biting his lip, wanting to give her that reassurance. It was the least he could do.

 _I'm not pretending_ , he longed to say. But he couldn't. He had to let her go.

Instead he bucked against her, pressing hard and grinding deep, giving her his all as he made love to her for what would be the last time. It was all gentle caresses and sweet kisses and whispered reassurances as they moved together, her cries growing higher and her body tightening as she let him fill her over and over.

He was getting frantic, and stiff, and the second he felt her tense, the familiar gasp leaving her throat, he gave in too. They came together, as one, her walls gripping him tightly as he grunted and spurted into her, gasping in harmony, her legs trembling.

Neither moved as they caught their breath, bodies meshed together tightly, pressed against the wall.

"I…" she cupped his face in her hands. "I don't want you to go."

She meant in that moment, how they were right then, but he misunderstood, thinking she meant his leaving for college. He sighed heavily, looking down and grabbing her hands with his own.

"I'm sorry, El. But you know I have to."

Her big brown eyes filled with tears again and he held her as she let the sobs take over and shake her body. They were still connected, physically, and he didn't want to pull out for what he knew would be the final time yet. Despite everything he said, he would miss her to very core of his being. Being intimate not just in the physical way, but in this way as well. Holding her when she cried, kissing away the tears and telling her it would be okay.

"Shhh," he whispered. "You'll… you're going to be okay. I promise."

It took another minute for her to quiet but he didn't move an inch, not wanting to leave her while she was still vulnerable. He waited for her to tell him and after a bit she nodded, biting her lip.

"You can let me go."

She was so quiet he almost didn't hear it but he complied, pulling out and then gently setting her down, keeping a grip on her until she caught her footing. He tucked himself back into his pants and swallowed heavily as she turned away, adjusting her own clothing and wiping her face.

"I'm sorry, El."

Her shoulders tensed and she looked at him, finally, the pain replaced with quiet acceptance.

"For what?"

"For… hurting you. I didn't want that. I thought we could just be friends and it would be easy and nothing would change. But I was stupid," he shook his head.

"You thought I would just stop loving you?" she asked, eyebrows raised.

"I…"

He didn't have a good answer, knowing he'd underestimated her devotion. This moment had proved that. Her anger at the party as she called him coward had proved that. Her willingness to accept him and allow him into her again physically proved that.

But he couldn't let her throw her life away waiting for him. That wasn't fair. And it seemed like maybe she was starting to accept that.

"I'm sorry," he repeated lamely, unsure of what else to say.

She looked at him, doe-eyes wide and sad, shattering his heart again.

"Me too."

He bit his lip, unsure of what to do but wanting to help, reaching for her grocery bags and handing them to her as she finished readjusting her skirt, her face unusually blank.

"Mike," she said so suddenly he felt surprised. "I'll… I'll try it your way, okay? We can be… friends. Hang out with the guys. I won't… I was mad-"

"Which was fair," he butted in.

"I won't be mad now. We can just be friends. I won't attack you or anything but I…" she looked down. "I don't want to not see you anymore. It hurts too much."

His heart almost stopped and he felt a smile light up his face as he realized what she was saying.

"Of course, El. Yeah. I have a campaign planned anyways, you should come and bring Max, I can tie your characters in really easily. It'll be fun… just like it used to be."

She nodded, looking nervous. "Okay."

"This Saturday night, you can tell Will you're invited. Usual time and stuff, um," he furrowed his brows. "You already know this…"

"Yeah, I do."

She picked up her grocery bags and purse from where they lay tossed onto the ground, thrown aside in their urgency.

"Make sure to tell Holly I miss her and I hope she feels better," she reminded him.

"Oh, yeah, of course. She, um," he looked away. "She misses you too. A whole lot."

 _So do I._

There was an awkward pause, where the "I love you"s used to go, and El bit her lip, turning away and starting to walk to her car.

"See you on Saturday," he called after her.

She almost stopped and turned around, to tell him she changed her mind and wouldn't be able to make it. But she didn't, pushing through the fear and anxiety. She could do it, she needed to if she didn't want to lose him entirely.

"Bye, Mike," he called back.

How hard could it be to be friends?

* * *

 ** _AN:_**

 ** _I don't really know what that was but this was kind of important to get to the rest of the story. Sorry for the slow updates but school sucks. I can't promise regular updates but reviews always motivate me so leave me a nice message and I'll see what I can do._**

 ** _~Wyn_**


	3. Chapter 3

**_AN:_**

* * *

 ** _Finally back, sorry for the delay._** ** _Special thanks to Jenna for asking me over and over when I was going to update and therefore making me update. You're the best._**

El didn't feel awkward, but she definitely was regretting agreeing to go over to Mike's. Max had a volleyball game and couldn't make it, so it was just El and the boys for the campaign, which usually was fine. But this time…

She'd been a little late, knocking on the basement door and trying to fight the anxiety that was beating in her ribs.

 _It'll be the same as always. Just don't hold his hand. Or kiss him. Or act like you love him. Because you totally don't anymore._

Lucas had opened the door, looking surprised but pleased.

"Oh, hey, El. I didn't know you were coming."

"Mike invited me. I missed hanging out with you guys," she smiled, hoping it didn't look forced.

"Cool."

Will and Mike were upstairs but Dustin grinned when he saw her, his usual happy self. He grabbed an extra chair, wedging it into the usual place next to Mike. Lucas cleared his throat awkwardly, giving him a look.

"Dustin, put it on the other side," he tried to whisper so she wouldn't hear but failed.

"What? Why?"

Their curly headed friend frowned in confusion but then it dawned on him and he reached for the chair again.

"Right, shit, sorry—"

"It's fine," she blurted. "Mike and I are friends now, I don't mind sitting next to him."

Dustin's eyebrows raised. "You sure?"

"Yeah. Don't worry about it."

She sat down, licking her lips and trying to calm down her heart which was beating wildly. Everything was so familiar but there was something definitely off and she tried not to think about the many times she had sat there, stealing kisses from Mike behind his Dungeon Master binder as he explained how the game worked. His quiet patience and understanding despite how stupid some of her questions could be.

Her heart panged.

The door at the top of the stairs opened and the familiar footsteps came down. She looked up just as his head appeared and their eyes locked as his eyebrows flew up. Had he forgotten she was coming? Something darkened his eyes and he bit his lip, looking away quickly.

"Hey, El." It was Will who greeted her first and she waved at her brother.

"Mom said you have to drive me home," she told him. "Since I walked over and it'll be dark by the time we're done."

There was an awkward pause as everyone realized that Mike hadn't given her a ride over like he always did. A flaw the in the usual machine of normality. She looked down quickly as everyone took their seats, reaching for the dice and passing out sheets of paper and pencils.

He sat in his chair next to her but she could tell he was tense, his shoulders up, his back straight, like he was hyper-aware of her presence. She didn't understand… he had said he wanted her to come. That he wanted to be friends and be normal and have everything be the same. But he wasn't acting the same.

He fumbled, missing plot points and reading out rules wrong. The others noticed but said nothing, not wanting to start a stampede of the multiple elephants in the room. A tense hour passed and she stared down at the game board, moving her piece when necessary but mostly listening to Dustin and Lucas's suggestions on what to do. Her heart wasn't in it and she found herself biting back tears.

She should have stayed home.

"Okay, I need to take a piss," Lucas cut in after they reached a neutral point.

"And I need a snack break," Dustin agreed.

"Oh, sure. Five minutes?" Mike looked around the circle and they nodded.

They left and it was just the two of them and Will, but as he gazed between his sister and her ex-boyfriend, he cleared his throat and stood.

"I, uh, think I need to pee too," he peeped.

El begged him silently to stay, but he gave her an apologetic shrug, his eyes saying " _you need to figure this out"_ before he disappeared up the stairs. She sighed heavily, looking down at her hands, unsure of what to say and hoping Mike would start it.

She glanced at him, noticing how tight his grip was on the pencil in his hand as he scribbled notes, his other hand clenched into a fist in his lap as he tried to avoid looking at her. It dawned on her, that he hadn't looked at her since she'd arrived and suddenly she was mad.

"Mike," she hissed, not wanting to be heard by Lucas in the basement bathroom, "what the fuck is your problem?"

He still didn't look at her, but his fist tightened.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're… you've been avoiding me. You won't look at me, you haven't talked to me… I'm only here because _you_ said you wanted to be friends," her voice was heavy with rage. "Why are you being so rude?"

"I do want to be friends," he replied neutrally.

"Then fucking _look at me_."

He blinked down at his notes, but then slowly turned to her, setting the pencil down and sighing heavily. Their eyes met and this time she could read the emotion that darkened them. It was hunger, pure desire, the one he must have been stifling in the week and a half since their moment behind the grocery store. It was ferocious and he stared at her like he would devour her at any moment, hands twitching towards her. Her mouth gaped open.

"I've been trying not to look at you," he mumbled through clenched teeth, "because every time I do all I can think about is how badly I want to throw you onto the couch and rip your clothes off and fuck your brains out. But that's not something _friends_ do."

"Oh."

She was speechless, unsure of what to say to that. What was there to say? He was right, friends didn't fuck each other senseless. Friends didn't screw behind grocery stores and have hate sex in bedrooms at parties. And now they were really trying to be friends.

But she didn't want to be.

"Mike, I—"

The door to the bathroom opened and Lucas walked out, looking around and realizing he was the only with them. He walked over to his seat, quiet, and sat, reaching out to fiddle with his game piece.

"So… are you two like… good now? Because this has been really awkward and I'm tired of pretending to have fun," he burst out. "The others are too nice to say anything, but I came to have a good time and the two of you are making it really hard."

He crossed his arms to punctuate his irritation with the situation.

"Um, sorry, Lucas—" she started to say.

"Hop off, Lucas. It's none of your fucking business," Mike snapped, suddenly irate. "If you don't like it you can leave. It's not like you live that far away."

Lucas scowled.

"Oh, calm down, Wheeler. Don't be a drama queen. I'm just telling you to snap out of it and either get back with El or stop being an asshole. She's actually trying," he said, obviously annoyed with entire situation. "The least you could do is acknowledge she exists."

"Fuck you, Lucas!" Mike shouted, standing up and banging the table, making the pieces fall over.

The door opened and Will and Dustin came down holding a bowl of popcorn and talking animatedly. But they froze as they came across the scene. Mike's face was red and irate but Lucas looked calm.

"Um… what's happening?" Dustin asked.

"Nothing!" Mike yelled.

He stomped across the basement, past them and up the stairs, slamming the door at the top loudly. They could hear him thudding all the way up to his room, and another distant door slam. El had been frozen, but as the silence stretched she came back to reality.

"What… Jesus, Lucas, what did you do to him?"

Dustin sat back down, giving his friend an accusatory glare. Will looked curiously at his sister and she shrugged, unsure of how to explain what had happened and not wanting to admit the truth.

"I told him to suck it up and stop being a dick to El," Lucas rolled his eyes. "And you know I'm right so don't argue with me. He shouldn't have broken up with her in the first place, but he's been all mopey about college and thinks he's doing something good." He scoffed. "What a fucking idiot."

"Still shouldn't have taken it out on her though," Dustin agreed, shoving popcorn into his mouth.

"She's right here, guys," Will interjected. "Did you forget that?"

"Oh, right. Sorry, El." Dustin gave her thumb's up and a smile. "But we're on your side, just for the record. He's being stupid."

She tried to give them a grateful smile but didn't have the heart to make it look real, grimacing instead. Part of her felt thankful for them, but at the same time she wasn't trying to turn his friends against him. It didn't excuse his tantrum, however, and she sighed.

"I think I should go talk to him," she glanced around at them. "I mean, we can't play without him anyways."

"But he's all… bitchy. You sure you want to take him on?"

"I'll be fine, Lucas. It won't be the first time I've talked him down," she shrugged.

She got up and headed up the stairs, her friends chorusing "good luck!" behind her. Her heart started pounding again and despite how much she didn't want to let his words from earlier affect her, she felt herself start to throb between her thighs. It had been a week and a half, afterall, and despite her attempts to not think about him anymore… she definitely had been thinking about him. And wanting him.

The hunger she'd seen in his eyes had been intense, stronger than she'd seen before, and it was waking something inside of her.

But she was just his friend now. This wasn't a feeling friends should have. She tried to squelch it as she went up the carpeted stairs, telling herself that she would just talk him down like she usually did. Convince him everything was fine and that they were waiting for him. He would come back downstairs and they would finish the game and she and Will would go home.

She raised her hand to knock on his door, pausing.

That was what she should do. What she needed to do. But was it what she wanted?

Her fist struck the door three times fast and then once slow, like she always did when she came over and it was shut. It was her specific knock so he knew when she was there, an automatic reaction.

There was a flurry and then the lock clicked and the door opened.

Mike was standing there, pants unbuttoned, looking flustered. His eyes narrowed when he saw her and she blinked, forgetting everything she was going to say as the hunger filled his eyes again, even more intense than before. She licked her lips.

"Mike—"

He grabbed her by the waist before she could say anything more and lifted her, almost over his shoulder, ignoring her squeak of protest and kicking the door shut behind him. Crossing the room he literally threw her onto his bed and she landed sprawled on her side, bouncing a bit on the mattress, gasping. His hands were on her legs, pulling her to the edge of the bed, the skirt of her dress snagging on the blanket as she was dragged backwards towards his eager body. She could feel his erection through his pants, pressing against her thigh and she realized what was about to happen.

"Mike, wait, we shouldn't—"

He stopped, one hand on her panties, and she turned to meet his eyes. His brow was furrowed and he looked concerned.

"Oh, I thought you came up here because… I thought this was what you wanted," he blinked.

"I mean… I'm supposed to calm you down so we can finish the game," she explained, the throbbing between her legs growing. "That's what they think I'm doing."

"So… you don't want me to fuck your brains out?"

There was definite disappointment on his face but she could tell if she said no he would let her go and she could leave right that second. His hand was on her hip, the other feeling the lace edge of her underwear. She knew what he wanted and suddenly she wanted it too.

Her hesitation said what he needed to know and he grinned crookedly, tugging her panties a bit. She bit her lip but then nodded.

"Yeah. I do."

He didn't hesitate, pulling her hips up to meet his, so she was on her hands and knees in front of him as he stood behind her, and she heard fabric rasping as he pulled his pants and boxers down. Her panties were ripped down her legs and then he was shoving himself inside of her roughly as she cried out, the abruptness of it startling her.

"Shhh," he cautioned. "My parents are gone but Holly is down in the living room."

He made his demand impossible as he pushed in farther and she fell forward onto her elbows, a loud whine escaping her throat. She couldn't help it, it felt so _good_ and it had been so _long_ and she had missed him _so much_. At the party she had said she would only moan for her boyfriend, but she was definitely breaking that rule.

He'd only just hilted in her and frowned at the noise, looking over and noticing one of his ties hanging of the end of the bed. Grabbing it, he looped it around her face and then thrusted once so she moaned again, catching the fabric in her mouth as she opened it and then tying it off.

She widened her eyes and turned to look at him, annoyed that he felt the need to gag her. But then he pulled back and _slammed_ into her and she shrieked, muffled, and fell back onto her elbows. Suddenly his hips were smacking against her ass roughly as he pounded into her, the frustration he'd felt sitting at the table painfully evident. He was relentless, each stroke going so deep she couldn't hold in the gasps at each one.

"Fuck, El, I miss you so much," he grunted as he slapped his hand across her ass.

She arched and groaned into the gag and he did it again, enjoying how her warm skin turned red. He leaned down, pausing his hips and pressing against her, kissing the back of her neck. She reached back and pulled her hair to the side to give him better access and he nibbled her skin as she whimpered. Remembering what she'd said about "finding someone else" he felt a spike of jealousy and bit harder, just hard enough leave a mark, and then sucked on the spot apologetically as she jolted beneath him and moaned.

"I love it when you moan for me," he breathed. "I miss the sounds you make when I fuck you."

He leaned back and then scooted her forward, so he could kneel on the bed behind her, tired of standing. It was a better angle and he grabbed her hips again, hard enough to leave finger-shaped bruises, resuming his frantic fucking as he sloppily rutted into her, feeling like a desperate animal.

"Mmmph," she groaned.

She was trying to say his name, to beg him for more, but he got the message despite the muffled sound. His hand slid up her back and he grabbed a handful of her hair, close to the roots, using it to tilt her head back. She was forced to arch her back further, her hips tilting down and he groaned as he went even deeper, her body jolting and her throat choking on some sort of yelp as he hit that one spot that made her scream.

"Oh, fuck." It felt amazing and he pulled back slowly. "You're so amazing, El. So fucking tight."

He slammed into her, keeping his grip on her hair, and then pulled back again, repeating the movement with a snap of his hips and filling her fully over and over. She tried to shift away from him but he didn't let her, feeling selfish in the moment and going even faster as she squirmed beneath his firm grip. It was a perfect position and he wasn't about to let her go anywhere until he was done. She whimpered.

Despite the slight discomfort it felt amazing and she clenched her fingers around his bedspread. He always filled her perfectly, like they were a matching lock and key, pushing her boundaries but never crossing over into pain. She'd felt literally empty without him and as he twisted his hips he hit that spot again, keeping himself there as she shrieked into the gag, her teeth clenching as he ruthlessly drilled into her from behind.

She couldn't keep herself upright, falling onto her front, hands on either side of her head as her face rubbed against the comforter on his bed, each thrusting jolting her harder. The bed was creaking and groaning as Mike pounded her, her eyes squeezing tightly shut as she shuddered. It always turned her on when he was rough and it was like he read her mind as he grabbed her hair and jerked her head back again.

It was too much and she keened beneath the gag, legs trembling as she tried to fight off what was coming, not wanting the moment to end yet, wanting him

to fuck her more. He sped up, so hard and deep and fast and suddenly her whole body tensed, her tight walls squeezing him so hard he grunted as she pushed back against him.

She _screamed_ , what sounded like his name, as always, and he thrusted three more times before he couldn't take it, releasing her hair and groaning as he exploded inside of her, pressed as deep as he could go, her body clenching him so tightly he couldn't have pulled out if he wanted to. His vision whited out and he collapsed onto her, on top of the bed, feeling her panting beneath him.

"Oh my god," he gasped. "Holy shit."

"Mmph?"

He remembered what he'd done and reached up to untie the gag, pulling the now spit-soaked tie from her mouth as she gasped for breath. She squirmed underneath him but he didn't move away, once again dreading pulling out of her, not wanting it to be the last time.

"Mike?" Her voice was quiet.

"Hm?"

"I missed this."

"Me too."

It was the truth. Car rides that ended at their special makeout spot in the woods. Quickies before her family got home in the evenings. Sneaky handjobs during movies under blankets. As much as they liked to pretend sex wasn't a big deal, it was definitely something they missed now that it was no longer an option.

"Um, can you get off me? It's hard to breathe," she complained.

He pushed himself off of her and then bit his lip as he pulled out stickily, trying not to make his disappointment obvious. There was no way this was happening again and he felt a pang of guilt for allowing it to happen in the first place.

"Um, sorry, El," he mumbled as he pulled his pants up and buttoned them.

She rolled over, brushing her skirt back down, her hair sticking up in the back and her cheeks and lips flushed. It hit him, that he hadn't kissed her lips once and he frowned, realizing his selfishness. She looked confused.

"For what?"

"For… using you like this. I called you a slut and that was rude but now I'm treating you like one…"

Her eyebrow quirked. "Secretly fucking my ex-boyfriend during a D&D campaign makes me a slut now?"

"No! No, that's not—I didn't mean that just that—"

"I wanted to, Mike."

"I know but… only because I told you. I practically made you. I expected it from you."

His watch beeped, signaling the hour and they both realized they'd been gone for a solid ten minutes. She sat up all the way, reaching up and smoothing her hair down, trying to make it look like nothing had happened. Her fingers brushed the love bite on the side of her neck and she frowned, trying to hide it with her hair before turning to look at him.

"We need to get back or they'll get suspicious."

"I know but—"

"Stop worrying, Mike. I wouldn't have let that happen if I hadn't wanted it. Slutty or not."

"But—"

She had stood up but turned to face him leaning down, one hand on his knee, her lips brushing his ear.

"Has it crossed your mind," her breath was warm and he shivered, "that I don't mind being a slut for you?"

He could practically see down the front of her dress at the angle she was at and he swallowed thickly, his brain fuzzing. She bent down further, her face brushing his thigh as she snagged her panties off the floor, holding them up to his face and then tucking them into the little pocket on the front his polo shirt.

"El," he breathed, trying to understand what she was saying.

She stood up all the way, smirking at his speechlessness.

"Maybe you could give me a ride home afterwards? We haven't gone on a drive in a while."

It was obvious what she was implying and he couldn't pretend like the idea of banging her again later wasn't super appealing. Since apparently she was more than willing.

"I-If you want," he swallowed again.

She smiled sweetly and nodded, heading for the door. His hand reached up and pulled the panties out of his pocket, looking down at them and then back up at her as she reached for the door knob.

"Wait, you don't want these?"

"Nah, I feel like you'll need them more than I do," she titled her head and then smiled, eyes narrow and triumphant. "And for the record, I like having your cum drip down my thighs."

Then she was gone, the door cracked open behind her and he blinked, completely stunned. He kind of felt like he'd lost some battle, but as he looked down at the panties in his hand again, he realized he didn't really mind. Then he frowned. How was he going to make it through the rest of the campaign knowing she was sitting next to him without panties on and his fucking cum all over her thighs?

Just the mental image made his dick twitch and he groaned. Fuck.

But there wasn't any other option and he hid the panties in his pillowcase quickly, figuring he would find a better spot later. He trudged back down the stairs, partially dreading having to deal with seeing her but also feeling stupidly excited. When he opened the door to the basement his friends were talking loudly but the conversation stopped as he reappeared. El was back in her chair, legs crossed, casually eating popcorn like she hadn't just been fucked totally senseless. She offered him a demure smile.

"So are you done being an asshole?" Lucas piped up. "El said you came to your senses, whatever that means."

"Um, yeah. It's cool. No worries," he said with an awkward thumb's up. "Sorry for going off on you, um, I was just a little stressed."

"Clearly."

He sat back down in his seat and looked around at his friends who looked more relaxed. He dared to glance at El but she pretended not to notice and he looked back down at his notes instead.

"Okay, where were we…"

Three hours later it was nearing midnight and the rest of the campaign had been a huge success. He'd managed to focus despite his occasional glances down at El's bare legs. Her knee had brushed his once and he hadn't been able to resist, reaching over and casually stroking the inside of her thigh under her skirt, brushing up and against the juncture between her thighs.

She'd jolted, knee hitting the underside of the table and she'd shot him a look before quickly lying that she'd had a cramp. They bought it, "lady problems" and whatnot, but he'd noticed his fingers felt sticky when he'd pulled away. He had to excuse himself to the bathroom for five minutes to fix a sudden problem in his own pants and when he'd come back she'd had that triumphant expression again.

Will ended up going home instead of staying the night so she didn't need a ride home from Mike and he barely covered his disappointment. But she'd given them all hugs, him included, and whispered in his ear, "maybe tomorrow?" before pulling away from him and heading out the back door with her brother, shoulders back, a smile on her lips.

She'd won today, her willingness to answer his urges forcing him to allow her to stay in his life as something intimate, despite what he was trying to do. He would have to resist, have to stay away from her and her pouty lips and silky thighs and warm, tight—

 _Stop it. Don't even think about it._

He was laying in bed and his hand snuck into his pillow, pulling out her panties and rubbing the lace edge between his fingers. Despite his resolve he felt himself harden in his boxers, groaning into his pillow.

He was _so_ screwed.

* * *

 ** _AN:_**

 ** _Sorry everyone, but I just can't promise quick updates. I wrote Collide in the summer when I had nothing better to do but now school is kicking my ass. I'll try but you'll have to be patient, sorry. In other news, has anyone seen It yet? I heard it's good._**

 ** _Let me know if you like this kind thing. I always love hearing from you._**

 ** _~Wyn_**


	4. Chapter 4

**_AN:_**

 ** _If you thought everything was going to be happy... sorry? I can't help it, I live for the angst. Sorry but here's your warning._**

* * *

"Oh, _fuck!_ "

"Mike—ah! _Mike_!"

They were on the D&D table and the whole thing was rocking as Mike bent over her, her legs over his shoulders as he grunted and fucked her _hard_. It was a rare moment they didn't have to hurry or hide, since the house was empty. His parents were at Holly's ballet recital and he'd invited her over, citing it would be quiet. And it was. Sort of.

"Fuck, Mike, _harder_!"

The basement filled with the sound of skin slapping skin and heavy panting as they moved even faster, her legs opening wider as she urged him on, eyes wide as he pumped in and out of her. Her nails were digging into his back and she threw her head back as he leaned down and tucked his face into the crook of her neck, gasping.

"I can't—" he groaned, "I'm gonna—"

"Not yet," it was a demand. "I'm close."

She shoved him up off of her, digging her nails into his lower back and wrapping her legs around his waist, pulling him in even deeper.

"Oh, shit, fuck," he sounded strained, his hips moving impossibly fast. "El, please."

Her back arched up and she ripped into his back with her nails as she cried out, her entire body convulsing. She tightened around him like she always did, so impossibly tight, and he groaned, unable to hold it any longer.

"Now, Mike," she gasped.

He didn't hold back, slamming his hips into her one last time as he exploded, his head falling against her chest as he collapsed onto her, shuddering at the intense pleasure that shot through him. She always made him feel so good.

They stayed like that for a moment and she wrapped her arms around his neck, eyes meeting his and softening. His lips brushed hers and then they kissed sweetly, like they used to, hands gripping tightly as the emotion they were no longer allowed to mention filled the space around them.

She pulled her head back, ending the moment and he gasped for breath, groaning and pulling out of her. He plopped into one of the chairs around the table, giving her an appreciative look as he caught his breath.

"I don't think I've cum that hard in my life," he grinned.

She sat up slowly and crossed her legs, totally comfortable despite being naked, tilting her head towards him. It had been three weeks since the D&D campaign and they'd been meeting almost every day to screw in bathrooms or in the back of his car or on blankets in the woods, always careful not to get caught. She was starting to feel sore all the time but she wasn't about to complain.

"You say that every time." She inspected one of her fingernails casually.

"Because it's that good every time," he said smugly.

"Mmhm. I'm sure you're not just saying that."

She got up and crossed the room towards their clothes which were on the floor by the door. He had barely let her make it into the house, jumping her the second she walked inside and damn near ripping her skirt and polo shirt off. She hadn't seemed to mind, stripping down as he grabbed her waist and pulled her to the table, bending her over it and pushing into her before they'd even said "hello". And that had just been the first round.

Now he followed her, not letting her bend down and redress, grabbing her from behind tightly and pulling her bare form to his naked body.

"You know me, El. I don't just say things."

"You might to get into my pants," she sighed and leaned back against him. "I mean not that you've really had to… I suck at staying away from you."

"Aww, come on. Don't be like that. You know I—"

The words almost slipped out and he choked on them, coughing to try and hide his bumble.

 _You know I love you_.

She tensed in his arms and he let her go, hoping she wouldn't try and say anything about his near mistake. He was supposed to be letting her go, so she would be free when he left in a month. But here he was again, holding her after they'd just had sex. Twice.

"Mike?"

"Yeah?"

"I… should we—"

 _Knock knock._

They both froze, turning towards the basement door which was thankfully locked, eyes huge.

"Mike? Are you down here?" It was Dustin's voice. "Hey, we were going to watch a movie at Lucas's but his dad is using the TV."

"Let us in, Wheeler," Lucas joined in.

El looked at Mike with wide eyes and he grabbed his jeans, pulling them on in record time as she gathered the rest of their clothes and bolted for the bathroom, leaving it open a crack and hiding. If there was one thing that couldn't happen, it was anyone finding out about their… illicit behavior. Their fuck buddy status was definitely a secret because they knew their friends would just give them shit. Not to mention what their parents would say...

He realized she'd taken his shirt when she'd run to hide, but didn't really have a better option and so he went over, opening the door reluctantly. His friends barged in, giving him a weird look.

"Why are you shirtless?" Lucas asked.

"Uh, I got a stain on my shirt and came down to throw it in the laundry," he quickly lied, deflecting their attention. "You're lucky I was even down here at all."

"Oh, whatever. You're always down here. I don't know why you don't just move your bed down here."

 _It would be a lot more comfortable to fuck El on instead of that table_ , he mused and then immediately mentally punched himself in the face. Irrelevant.

"Ha, maybe I should. Anyways you said you wanted to watch a movie?"

"Close Encounters of the Third Kind," Dustin grinned.

"Again?"

"It's a classic!"

"It's only ten years old."

"So?"

Mike rolled his eyes, deciding it wasn't worth the argument. They were standing by the D&D table, talking to him and he glanced down, feeling his eyes widen. Her panties were still on the floor, ripped to shreds, and he immediately looked up, hoping they wouldn't look down.

 _Shit fuck shit._

"So, uh, the TV is upstairs. If you want to go up and put the movie in," he spluttered.

"Aren't you coming too?"

"Yeah, uh, I just have to finish the… laundry."

 _And sneak El out of my bathroom_ , he sighed to himself. _So much for peace and quiet._

He had kind of hoped they would be able to bang at least three times since they had several hours and the house to themselves… but that wasn't an option now.

"Wow, Mike. When did you get so domestic? Is this what breaking up with El has brought you too?" Lucas ragged on him.

For some reason Lucas was the most vocal about it. Dustin seemed to understand things were going to work out, and Will had to stay neutral, but hardly a day went past when Lucas wasn't giving him shit for breaking up with her. Why did he even care so much?

"Can we not do this today?" he groaned.

"What, remind you of what an idiot you are for breaking up with the literal girl of your dreams because you're insecure about some distance?"

"It's not just _some_ distance, Lucas. It's super fucking far away," he crossed his arms. "I'm not going to be some ball and chain that holds her back. That's selfish."

"And breaking her heart because of your stupidass ideas isn't?"

"God, Lucas, just shut up!"

He didn't have a good comeback because he knew his friend was right but he was in too much denial to admit it. Instead he bristled, feeling the anger rise up in his chest as Lucas scowled at him.

"What fucking ever, Mike. If you want to keep pretending that you don't totally love her, that's on you."

The anger and annoyance bubbled out of him. Why didn't anyone even _try_ and understand that he was doing the right thing? It was his fucking choice. He picked words, ones he knew would knock Lucas speechless and let them fall across his tongue like bitter vomit.

"I don't love her!" He shouted, just wanting Lucas to shut up. "I _never_ loved her! She was just… she was _nothing_ , okay? It was a childhood infatuation that I should have ended years ago. She was a good fuck but it's over now and if you could fucking _understand_ that and _leave me the fuck alone_ that would be great!"

It was quiet, his chest heaving after his outburst, Lucas speechless and Dustin staring at him with wide eyes.

"Jesus, Mike. That was cold, even for you." He shook his curl-covered head like he was disappointed. "Don't let Will catch you saying that shit, he'll rip you a new one for talking about his sister that way."

"I—"

Mike blinked, suddenly feeling like shit. Lucas was looking at him suspiciously, but then shrugged and turned, heading for the stairs.

"Alright, fine. But don't say I never told you you were wrong."

There was an awkward pause and then Dustin gave Mike a half hearted shoulder punch and followed their friend up the stairs. Mike stared after them blankly, guilt creeping up his throat and leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He hadn't meant it, not a single word, but he felt terrible for even saying it. Everything had been a lie and he wouldn't have said it if Lucas hadn't kept badgering him.

There was a flurry from the bathroom and he felt his heart freeze as he remembered _she was still there._ He turned and the door opened and she came out, staring down at the floor, fully dressed. Her nose was red and her cheeks were wet and he felt his heart drop to the floor.

 _She heard me,_ all of the oxygen left his lungs. _Of course she did, you practically screamed it in Lucas's face._

"El—"

"No," she shook her head, cutting him off before he could explain. "You don't get to talk to me right now."

She was heading for the door but a sob left her throat before she made it and he crossed the floor, reaching for her.

"No, El, wait," his hands were on her waist, pulling her back. "I didn't mean it, I was lying. It was—"

"Let go of me!"

She struggled, flailing away from him and kicking and smacking, but he held on tighter, keeping his arms around her waist. Her fingernails ripped into his hands there and he grunted in pain but didn't let go. After a few more seconds she gave up fighting, breaking into sobs, her whole body shuddering as she cried in his arms, face in her hands. He held her firmly, feeling tears well up in his own eyes as he felt her heart shattering, her breath gasping.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled against her head, knowing she probably couldn't hear him through her tears. "I didn't mean it."

"Wh-Why d-did you s-s-say that?" she sobbed. "Why?"

"I was mad at him because he was right but I still shouldn't have been so stupid," he tried to explain. "It was just to shut him up, I didn't mean it, El."

She twisted around to look at him and he loosened his grip, biting his lip as he looked down at her. Her eyes stared into his and for a moment he felt a spark of hope, that she believed him. But then she shoved herself out of his arms and turned away again, clutching herself tightly, like she was trying to hold herself together.

"You really think I'm just a good fuck?" Her voice was thick with tears. "Is that really all I've ever been to you? Something to shove your dick into when you feel like it?"

" _No!"_ His hand reached for her but she slapped it away. "I mean, I obviously enjoy it but it's not—"

"I've been so stupid," her eyes glazed over. "I really thought you loved me. I was stupid enough to believe it. I thought after Papa…" she flinched at the mention of her old captor. "I was stupid to think I could ever really know what love was."

Her words sent icy shards into his heart as she compared him to the piece of shit who had kept her in captivity for so long. No… they were nothing alike. Mike was doing what was best for her. He knew that. Right?

"El, please, I was lying. I didn't mean a single word of it. You have to believe me," he begged.

"No, I…" she took a step back, towards the door, shaking her head. "I don't know if I can believe anything you say anymore."

He'd broken her heart several times by now, but now he felt his own splintering into pieces. Tears were streaming from her eyes and he reached out again but she flinched away and he saw it in her eyes.

She was afraid of him. It was the same fear he'd first seen in her eyes when she'd held up fingers in a gun to his forehead. The fear that had gripped her behind the closed closet door. The fear when Papa had held her in the hallway and she'd been too weak but she'd turned and called his name anyways, wanting _Mike_. When she'd whispered she was the monster and he had told her she was wrong.

He was the monster now.

"El—"

"I can't do this anymore." She reached for the door handle and pulled it open. "I'm done being your whore."

"No, El, please!"

He ran and grabbed her hand as she tried to walk out, fingers clammy and desperate. Her hand clenched into a fist and she ripped her wrist away from his grip. An invisible force shoved him and he flew back, through the air, landing on the couch with grunt as she turned and looked at him, eyes full of remorse and hurt.

"Goodbye, Mike."

The door shut behind her and she was gone, nothing but an empty space where she had once stood. His heart squeezed and he felt the tears come as he realized he had lost her again. Only she wasn't coming back this time. And this time it was his fault.

He shouldn't have said that. He shouldn't have let them become fuck buddies. He shouldn't have broken up with her.

He pounded his fist against his forehead in frustration, feeling anger rise up at himself as he finally let the truth of his stupid decision come to light.

He was afraid.

Hawkins had been his home his entire life, and even when shit happened and Will had gone missing, they'd still managed to make it right. El had returned to him and had still wanted him and everything had been so perfect for so long. He had taken it for granted and the second something new popped up, something different, he'd panicked.

MIT had always been his goal but after he'd made it he'd realized he wasn't sure if it was what he wanted anymore. Being so far away from his friends and his home and _her_ had been terrifying. Letters and phone calls could only do so much, but in all the years they'd been together, he hadn't gone more than a week without seeing her. What would happen when he was away for _months_? After school got so busy he forgot to call and she felt lonely and someone else showed up at her door? Someone stronger, and cooler, and way more fun than he had ever been. How could she still choose someone who was absent?

So his brilliant decision had been to dump her. To separate himself from her before she could hurt him and break his heart. But instead he'd broken her heart and he wanted to punch himself in the face for being so selfish. Her chilling words came back to him.

" _I thought after Papa… I was stupid to think I could ever really know what love is."_

She meant they were the same. That they both had tried to do what they thought was best for her in the name of "love". Only his had been based in fear and not the need control, he really did love her. But he'd done a shit job of showing her that.

He realized he was crying and wiped his nose angrily, pissed at himself for being such a fucking an idiot. Lucas was right about everything. Why couldn't he have just admitted it?

Now it was too late. She was gone. There was no way he could convince her he had been lying. That he did care.

That he _loved_ her

He had tried to pretend he didn't anymore, that he just wanted to be her friend now. But in the end he had been kidding himself. He loved her, he always had. From the moment he saw her in the rain he had known she was going to change things, even if he hadn't expected it to be such a colossal life change. When she vanished his whole life had turned gray and dark, like he had been living in a storm cloud. She was sunshine, the light that lit up his life, and he'd tried to pretend otherwise

He was shit at pretending.

And now she was gone. She'd shut the door and told him she didn't trust him anymore. There was no way he could convince her he'd been wrong… was there?

He wiped another tear from his face and walked over to the laundry basket, pulling out a clean shirt and then swiping her shredded underwear off the floor. He looked down at them and sighed before throwing them into the garbage. That part of his mistake was done. He was done letting her think he only wanted her for sex. Because he realized, as much as he loved and missed having sex with her, he missed the rest of it more.

Cuddling and watching movies on the couch at her place. Sharing a milkshake—strawberry of course—at their favorite diner and talking about life. Making her Eggos when she was sick or sad and watching her face light up. Kissing her cheek and feeling her snuggle into him, like he was the best thing in the world.

He missed her. And he was done pretending like he didn't want her in his life anymore.

He wanted her back, he wanted her to know what he meant to her, what she had meant to him all along. How much he _loved_ her. She deserved to know after stooping so low to please him even though it had been hurting her the whole time. After all the years he still knew he didn't deserve her, and this stupid decision only proved that. He didn't deserve to even look at her… but he had to try and tell her he was sorry.

There were footsteps above him and then the door cracked open and Dustin's voice came down the stairs.

"Mike? Are you coming?"

"Yeah, um," he wiped his face again, trying to hide that he'd been crying. "I'll be up a in minute."

"We're starting it now. Oh, and I made the last bag of popcorn if you want to tell your mom."

"Sure, Dustin."

"Hurry up!"

The door shut again and he sighed, not really wanting to go upstairs. He wanted to chase after her, but he knew right now she wouldn't listen to him. It would be better to let her cool off and maybe she would even realize he hadn't been serious about what he'd said?

He grimaced. Unlikely. He needed to think of a plan, of some grand gesture to convince her had been lying. That he did love her. That he wanted her back.

Biting his lip he looked once more towards the closed door and then sighed heavily as he headed up the stairs.

* * *

 ** _AN:_**

 ** _I think this story will have two more chapters? An even six. But I'm terrible at estimating how many chapters I'll need so that's just an estimate for now. Next chapter won't contain smut if that's all your here for. Hopefully it'll wrap up soon._**

 ** _Sorry again for the angst. Mike can be an idiot sometimes._**

 ** _Let me know how you feel!_**

 ** _~Wyn_**


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN:**_

 _ **So I didn't realize just how sad last chapter was until I read the reviews and I am so sorry? I know this was supposed to be like a cute, fun story but come on. How could Mike and El ever breakup with there being intense angst? They're too perfect for each other. Sorry again though. I promise next chapter will make up for it.**_

* * *

"El! You have a phone call!"

Joyce's voice echoed down the hall from the kitchen and El looked up from where she'd been laying on her bed. It had been over a week since she'd left Mike in his basement and cried the whole walk home, feeling sore all over and hating that she'd let herself be so stupid. When she'd finally made it home she'd taken a long shower and cried even harder until Will stuck his head and asked if she was okay. He'd ended up getting Joyce who had pulled her from the tub, tucking her into cozy pajamas and snuggled her into bed.

They had known better to ask yet, and she knew she wouldn't be able to explain anyways. It made it hard, feeling so broken and hurt and not even being able to talk about it. Feeling alone.

And then the phone calls had started. Letters filled the mailbox, bouquets of flowers appeared on her doorstep with boxes of chocolates and teddy bears and balloons and boxes of Eggos. It was ridiculous, honestly, and she _hated_ it. The stuff wasn't cheap and she couldn't believe he was trying to bribe her to get back with him and talk to him. She'd told him she was done being his whore and here he was trying to buy her anyways. She hated it.

The trashcan was soon overflowing, the fireplace full of new letter-shaped tinder, the phone repeatedly slammed down. Even the Eggos ended up soggy in the trash, her favorite food soured by his attempts to try and get her to talk to him. But she wouldn't give in, no matter how much she missed him.

Because she did. She missed him a lot. And it made her even angrier.

"Who is it?" she yelled back, sitting up.

"It's… Mike again, sweetie."

"Tell him screw off!"

"El!"

"Ugh, sorry. Fine. Tell him I'm busy."

"Are you sure? Maybe you should—"

"Mom! Please!"

There was a sigh but she heard Joyce talking more quietly and then the sound of the phone being hung up. She heard her mom's familiar footsteps and groaned, throwing herself onto her bed and hiding under a giant, blue plush seal, knowing what was coming.

"El, Baby…" Joyce sounded tired. "He's been calling more than six times a day since last week. Are you sure you can't talk to him? Even for a second?" She seemed a bit desperate. "Maybe just to ask him to stop calling?"

"No," El looked away stubbornly.

"Whatever he did… other than breaking up with you... sometimes it's healthy to let people apologize. I know he hurt you but maybe it's time you heard him out?"

"He dumped me," she shook her head. "What else is there for him to say?"

Another sigh. "I don't know, sweetie. That's why I think you should listen."

"No."

She refused to even consider it. It would make it too easy to give in to him and actually believe whatever lie he wanted to spew at her. Instead she rolled over, away from her mother, groaning.

"Please don't, Mom. I don't want to think about him."

"But—"

"Please?"

A heavy sigh.

"If that's what you want, Baby," she sounded tired again. "I just don't know if I can keep lying to him. He sounds so… desperate."

" _Mom._ "

"Okay, alright. No Mike. Got it."

She left and El finally uncovered herself and sighed again, feeling the sadness wash over her all over again. His words haunted her, what he'd yelled standing in the basement, sounding so convincing and honest and angry. That she was nothing. That he'd never loved her. That she just been a good fuck.

And she'd played right into his hands, literally letting him screw her until she couldn't walk, over and over. Given him exactly what he wanted whenever he wanted… willingly. She bit her lip, not wanting to think about it, feeling embarrassed and stupid and used.

The worst part was that she had _enjoyed_ it. Every single time. She loved having sex with him. It was definitely one of her favorite things they did together because she was able to be closer to him than anyone else in the entire world. Literally. The intimacy and closeness made her feel connected to him in a different way, and powerful, the way she could control him with a twist of her hips or a single caress. Knowing she was the only one in the world who could make him feel that way. And he knew what to do to make her feel good too, never ceasing to make her cum at least once… if not more. They were a perfect match.

Thinking about it made her burn and throb and she pressed her thighs together as she rolled over and groaned into her pillow. How did he still have such an effect on her? It wasn't fair. She wanted to hate him and be completely disgusted by him but even now… she wanted him.

"El?"

It was Will's voice and she looked up from her hiding spot under her stuffed animals to where he was standing in her door.

"Oh, hey."

"Can I… is it cool if we talk for a minute?"

"Sure," she sat up as he came in and shut the door behind him. "What's up?"

"Well…"

He sat on the edge of her bed, squirming uncomfortably and she frowned, concerned at what could possibly be making him anxious. They were close, having shared their nightmares about the Upside Down and finding solace in each other. They might not have been related by blood but they were definitely siblings now.

"I know I haven't really asked because I've been trying to stay, um, out of it, but…" he leaned back against the footboard, stretching his legs out so they brushed her side comfortingly. "If you need to talk to someone who isn't Mom, I'm here."

"But Mike is your best friend—"

"And you're my sister," he shrugged. "I'd listen to either of you, but right now I'm worried about you. Okay?"

She bit her lip and looked down. One of the reasons it had been so hard was because she did feel so alone. She was too ashamed to tell anyone what she'd done, even Max, because it was her choices and stupidity that had led her there. A lot of it was Mike's fault, but she hadn't made good choices either and she didn't want anyone to know what she'd let herself become to him.

But Will was the least judgemental person she knew. He was protective but could see situations from all angles, rationalizing what had happened on both sides before making a hasty emotional decision. If anyone _might_ be able to understand…

She deflated.

"Okay. I'll talk. Promise you won't think I'm a total idiot?"

He grinned. "I wouldn't think that anyways. But sure. I promise."

The story spilled out, her justified anger over the breakup, their meet-up at the party and what had happened in that bedroom, their run-in at the grocery store and sad goodbye behind it. She skipped over the really intimate details but tried to make him understand what she had been feeling.

"And then… remember when I went upstairs at that first D&D campaign? When we were trying to be friends? And he was being rude so I went to talk to him?"

"Yeah…" Will could guess where this was going.

"We totally screwed. I couldn't help it, he just… he looked like he wanted me again and I just—" a sob choked her throat and she quickly wiped her face. "I missed him so much and I wanted him to want me. I didn't care how or why as he long as he would be with me again so…"

"That's not that irrational, El," he swallowed uncomfortably. "You missed him a lot and it was a chance to be close again. I can see why you did what you did but—" he squirmed. "You did say yes, right? Like he didn't just…"

He trailed off and she understood what he was trying to ask.

"I gave consent, Will. Mike would _never_ —"

"I know," he cut in. "I just… had to make sure. Mike's stupid sometimes and can be a royal asshole—" El's eyes widened. Will hardly ever cussed. "—but he's not—he wouldn't force anything."

"Definitely not," she agreed, then bit her lip. "But that's the problem. I was okay with it. Every single time. I even… I wanted it."

"Wait, this happened more than once?"

"Um, yeah, I—We've kind of been meeting up since," she flinched. "Almost… every day."

It was quiet as he took in her words, nodding slowly. Her heart was pounding as she saw him realize what she was telling him.

"So you…"

"Became his slut. Yeah."

Will flinched.

"You don't have to say it like that. You guys were like friends with benefits, right?"

"Up until a week ago," she quickly added.

"What happened then? That was when you were in the shower crying…" his eyes widened in alarm. "Wait, he didn't—"

"No. Still a no," she shook her head. "I went over to his house because his parents were gone and we, um, you know…" he was her brother and she didn't really like talking about directly with him. "We were in the basement and then Lucas and Dustin almost busted the door down so I went and hid in the bathroom."

"Of course they did."

"And then Lucas started getting on Mike again about breaking up with me," her face twisted into a pained frown. "Which I appreciate but… he made Mike really mad. Like really angry. And then he—" the tears were back. "He said he had never loved me. That I was just a childhood infatuation and he should have dumped me a long time ago. That I was—"

She broke off, unable to say it, the words hurting too much as they rang in her ears again.

" _She was just a good fuck but it's over now!"_

"What did he say, El?"

"I-I can't, Will, please don't make think about it again," she begged, eyes full of tears. "I don't want to think it hurts too much."

"Okay, sure," he leaned forward, reaching for her hand. "He said something bad and hurtful, right? You don't have to say it. I believe you."

She gripped his hand tightly and hiccupped, wiping at her eyes, feeling stupid for crying again. Somewhere, deep down inside of her, she knew the words weren't real, that he hadn't meant it. She had seen the desperation in his eyes, the honesty there as he told her he had lied to get Lucas off of his case and begged her to believe him.

But he had let her believe he didn't love her anymore. How was she supposed to believe him now?

And it hurt too bad to consider them as anything but real so she cried instead, cried at how much they stung and ripped at her already torn heart. She had offered him her bleeding pieces and he'd only shredded them further and it hurt so bad her chest physically ached, like the space between her lungs were empty.

Will scooted closer until he was holding her, his lithe arms holding her tightly as wept against his neck, staining his shirt with tears. The pain she'd been dealing with alone came out as he sighed and brushed at her hair, patient and loving. It took a few minutes but she finally calmed down and pulled back, wiping at his shirt apologetically.

"S-Sorry, I got snot on you…"

"It's fine, El," he smiled. "It's definitely not the first time. Remember when I had that cold and you insisted on sleeping in my bed and making sure I was okay and then you caught it too?"

She laughed. "And we were just snot faucets for like three days together? Mom ran out of pillowcases."

"And tissues."

"And then I ended up giving to Mi—"

She cut off her sentence and the laughter died as she looked down, feeling shitty all over again. He was in every part of her life, he always had been. The thing her world revolved around, the first time she'd felt safe, the first time she'd felt loved.

Her words had been hasty and harsh too, she didn't really think Mike was anything like Papa. But she hated that he tried to excuse himself by saying he was doing what was best for her, like Papa had said. Maybe back when they had first met, when he'd given her a safe place to sleep and promised to help her no matter what… that couldn't have been fake. That had been real. But the past four years of their relationship? Was all of that a charade?

"I know I'm supposed to stay neutral and not take sides or whatever," Will started and she looked up at him, eyebrows raised. "But honestly, I kind of want to punch Mike in the face."

"You'd hurt your hand," she replied immediately, frowning at the thought of him in pain.

"It'd be worth it," he shrugged. "He's taken this too far… breaking up and being an idiot was one thing but this is just… he's being an asshole. And I don't like seeing you cry like this, El. Especially over someone who loves you."

"But he doesn't."

"Okay, I'll believe a lot of things," Will grabbed her shoulders, looking her in the eyes. "But the day I believe that Mike doesn't or hasn't ever loved you is the day I willingly go back into the Upside Down and throw a tea party for the Demogorgon."

She blinked, but then giggled at the ridiculous image he'd created. That definitely wasn't going to happen. He grinned impishly and she gave him a loving shove before sitting back and sobering again.

"You didn't hear him, Will. He sounded so… sure. And _angry_. I…" she bit her lip. "We were just kids back then. Maybe just thought he loved me. Feelings can go away."

"Love doesn't, El. Love is that stupid thing that never goes away however hard you try. It's why we do crazy things, stupid things. Things that don't make sense. Like pushing people away… saying they don't love them anymore because they're afraid of losing them."

He was trying to make a point and she groaned, pushing away from him moodily.

"I thought you said you wanted to punch him in the face," she huffed. "Why are you on his side now?"

"I'm not!" Will protested. "I do still kind of want to punch him in the face but… okay, I hate to play this card, but I've known Mike longer than you have. One time when we were ten, I ruined this campaign he'd been working on for like three months. I made a stupid choice and then I rolled wrong and killed us all in the first fifteen minutes."

"No," she gasped, eyes wide.

"Oh, yes," he laughed at the memory. "Mike turned so red I thought he was going to explode. I think… he called me puny, stupid, and a shitty roller."

"No he did _not_."

"Dustin almost tackled him and of course I burst into tears and called Mom and went home. It's probably one of the worst memories I have that doesn't involve my dad."

"That's so _terrible_ ," she felt outraged, imagining tiny Will crying as an equally tiny Mike yelled at him. "What a little shit."

"Yeah…"

She wondered why he was telling her this. Was it supposed to help? It didn't change what he'd said about her, what he said he felt about her. In fact, it was just making her more mad…

"The next day he came to school early and hid a new set of colored pencils in my desk. Then at lunch he gave me a cupcake. Dustin hadn't quite taught him how to directly apologize yet, but he was trying, you know?"

"What did you do?" She was leaning forward, totally intrigued.

"I was still hurt but I talked to him at recess and he finally said he was sorry. He didn't mean to say it, he had just been mad. That he still wanted to be my friend."

"And obviously you forgave him."

"Well, he kind of started crying because he felt bad, so I didn't really have a choice," he snickered. "But… I believed him. He was my friend and I had made a bad mistake and he had been mad. But his mistake wasn't any worse than mine. How could I have not?" He looked thoughtful. "And the cupcake was really good. That helped."

She laughed, the tears long forgotten.

"But I mean… I know he's been terrible. He shouldn't have broken up with you, he shouldn't have been okay with just sleeping with you, and he definitely shouldn't have said what he said. He's mad a lot of bad choices. But you made some too, admittedly."

She shifted and looked down, feeling uncomfortable at the truth he was speaking.

"And I'm not _blaming_ you. It's mostly his fault. But I mean… he's sent you flowers every day. And called. And the mailbox is overflowing. He might actually be sorry."

"So you're saying I should forgive him?" Her voice was harsh and he looked surprised.

"No! Hell no. But I'm saying he might not meant what you heard him say. That he might actually be sorry. You don't _have_ to forgive him, you don't have to do anything… but I think it might worth at least hearing him out," he shrugged. "Maybe he'll give you a cupcake."

She scowled but then sighed heavily, falling back onto her pile of pillows. Of course he was right, but the stubborn part of her still didn't want anything to do with him. It was easier to not have to deal with it… but at the same she didn't want it to end this way. With rotting flowers and refused calls.

"So you don't think he's just trying to… buy me back?" She flinched, hoping her question wasn't as stupid as it felt.

"Oh… is that what you think?" Will's eyebrows flew up his forehead.

"Well… how else is he supposed to pay his whore?"

"Woah, El. That's… you weren't that. His whore or whatever you think it was," he gave her a disapproving stare. "It was a stupid idea to think that doing that wouldn't hurt you later but if you think he only wanted you for sex and not because it was the only way to keep you in his life without commitment… then you really don't know Mike."

"But—"

"Did he call you that or did you call yourself that?"

It took her a moment but she realized other than the first time, when they'd angrily fucked at the party, he hadn't once called her that. He only told her how amazing she was, how beautiful or sexy or perfect she was. How much he missed her. She swallowed at the realization. She'd been the one who had labeled herself that. What she had felt like. But he hadn't considered her that, never referring to her that way and even apologizing at first for potentially making her feel used.

She had been the one to say she was okay with it.

"I should probably talk to him, huh?" she sighed.

"Only if you want, El. If you think it might stop the stupid phone calls all the time."

At that moment the phone started ringing and he groaned dramatically. It stopped and they could hear Joyce faintly say something. El bit her lip, wondering if it was him again, if he was calling one more time before she went to sleep. But probably not, he'd called like half an hour ago, he couldn't be that desperate—

"El! Phone's for you!"

It was muffled but she stood and walked to the door, opening it slowly and then sighing heavily.

"Who is it?"

"Do I really need tell you that?" Her mother replied dryly.

She looked back at Will, biting her lip, and he offered small, encouraging smile. Mike didn't deserve to talk to her or ever see her again… but despite the anger and hurt that kept her heart raw and open, she knew it was the right thing to do. She sighed.

"I'm coming."

"Really?!"

"You don't have to act so surprised, Mom," she frowned as she walked into the kitchen.

It was the same familiar, yellow phone, the long cord tangled and snarled from Joyce's pacing whenever she had a serious phone call. Her mom looked surprised but pleased and quickly passed the receiver over to her daughter before escaping down the hallway, looking smug.

"I'll stay out of your way," she teased and El rolled her eyes, feeling a glow of affection for her sometimes dorky, adopted mom.

With another heavy sigh she steeled herself, closing her eyes as she put the phone to her ear, wincing at the familiar breathing on the other end.

"Hello?"

"El!" It was shout. "Oh my god, El, please, I'm so sorry. I've been going crazy trying to get a hold of you and I know I'm an absolute pile of shit but please, I just want you to know I didn't mean it, I swear, I'm the stupidest, shittiest, worst piece of fucking garbage and—"

"Mike!"

He stopped, but he sounded like he was panting and she grimaced, unsure of what to say.

"I… why have you been sending me flowers and stuff?"

"To try and apologize?" She could hear him wincing. "Was it just annoying and stupid?"

"Kind of, yeah. Um, I threw most of it away."

"Sorry, I, uh, just didn't know what else to do since you wouldn't talk to me," a sharp inhale, "not that I expected you to, um, but I wanted you to just listen to me because—"

"Mike, stop."

He did, the only sound the faint static through the phone and his nervous breathing.

"You hurt me, Mike," she finally said. "You dumped me and then you… I mean, we did something that was stupid… but you didn't have to say those things."

"I _know_. El, I'm so sorry, I've been such an idiot and—"

"We should talk," she blurted.

It was hard over the phone. He sounded sincere, but she wanted to see his eyes. She knew him, knew when he was lying, but she couldn't gauge it over the phone and it was annoying her. As much as she hadn't wanted to see him, Will's story had made her realize what she didn't want to believe. Which was that as terrible as Mike had been… he still might be worth forgiving.

"I… are we not talking right now?"

He sounded so confused she couldn't help but smile, biting back a laugh.

"I mean… in person. I can't tell if you're lying over the phone and—"

"You think I'm lying?" He sounded wounded and she bit her lip.

"I don't know, Mike. You haven't exactly made it easy to believe you lately."

It was harsh but she didn't bother feeling bad.

"That's fair. Okay, um, did you want to come over or—"

"Could we go for a drive?"

Cars were nice because you couldn't be overheard but you didn't have to make eye contact if you didn't want to. She definitely didn't want to go over to his place and she didn't want him to come here. Or anywhere in public. She didn't want to be seen with him, honestly. Because then people started asking questions and she wasn't sure if she wanted to deal with that.

"Oh… yeah, sure. Did you want to go somewhere or…?"

"I don't care. As long as we talk."

"Okay, yeah. Whatever you want, El," he sounded almost relieved. "I'll do anything you want."

She paused, considering his words.

"Can you…" she lowered her voice, "bring me back my underwear? Um, not the ripped ones—"

"Of course," he didn't hesitate. "When? What time? I could always get off of work early if you want, or I could even call in sick…"

She rolled her eyes. Overkill.

"Tomorrow night is fine. Nine-thirty? And… don't honk, I'll be waiting," she bit her lip. "Also don't… tell anyone. Okay?"

"Um, sure. I'll be there. Did you want anything else? I could bring food or something if you're hungry."

"Mike…" she warned.

"Maybe just like a strawberry milkshake?"

She hesitated. She hadn't had one in weeks, not since she'd thrown it in his face after he dumped her. Biting her lip, she sighed and nodded, giving in to his weird need to give her something.

"Fine. You can bring me a milkshake."

"Extra whipped cream, no cherry?" he asked, her usual order.

She softened. "Yes, please."

"Cool, um. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow," she agreed.

Pulling the phone from her ear she heard a yelped, "El!" and put it back, confused.

"What?"

"Um, I just wanted to say thanks. For… giving me another chance," he sounded nervous. "Just to… talk, I mean. I don't expect you to forgive me… but I just… I'm sorry, El. I hope you know that."

Her lip felt raw from where she'd been biting it but she sighed heavily, not really having anything to say to his apology. When she knew for sure it was sincere she would react, but for now she was tired and a little sad. She just wanted this figured it out.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Right."

"Okay. Bye, Mike."

"Bye, El."

She hung up and stared at the phone for a few moments. Her stomach felt like it was full of ice cubes, cold and shivery, but she didn't know why. It wasn't excitement or fear just… anxiety. Unsureness. She had no idea if meeting with him would be a good idea or if she would just freak out. A big part of her was still angry and hurt… but the other part just wanted to see him and find out if he was telling the truth.

Biting her lip again she walked back towards her room, trying calm her racing heart and take a deep breath. There was no point worrying about it yet, she wouldn't see him until tomorrow. Which meant there was plenty of time to overanalyze _everything_.

"So how'd it go?"

Will was still on her bed, looking expectant and she flinched as she thought about the brief conversation.

"Well… we're going to go for a drive tomorrow and talk. I can't tell if he's lying over the phone," she walked over and slumped back onto her bed. "He said sorry a lot. Said he was stupid and a piece of shit. That was nice."

"At least he knows he's wrong?"

"He offered to bring me a milkshake," she groaned. "I love milkshakes."

Will laughed.

"I can't blame him, you're always in a better mood when you have something to eat."

"I'm hungry now," she whimpered. "But I'm… I can't stop thinking about it. Tomorrow. What if I just… freeze up? What if I _forgive_ him?"

"Hey, there are worse things," he stood, reaching her wrist and tugging her up. "Why don't we go watch a movie? Mom bought chocolate chip Eggos."

"Return of the Jedi?" She perked up. "Eggos?"

"Absolutely."

They ended up on either ends of the couch, sharing a blanket and getting lost in a galaxy far, far away. Will always knew how to distract her and as she started to doze, feeling cozy and safe, she decided that whatever happened, she was glad to always have her family on her side.

* * *

 ** _AN:_**

 ** _I think I'm going to stick with there only being one more chapter? Just one really long chapter. I don't know when I'll have to finish it. Sorry again. I feel terrible lately since I've been unable to update regularly. Hope you all know I appreciate you anyways._**

 ** _Leave me a review please!_**

 ** _~Wyn_**


	6. Chapter 6

**_AN:_**

 ** _Just I thought, this is super long. Sorry. I wanted it to be solid since I just had to rebuild an entire relationship. Way to go Mike. You better fix it._**

 ** _I'm happy so many of you like the Will/El relationship, it was fun to write._**

 ** _Without further ado, here is the final chapter!_**

* * *

Mike kind of wanted to throw up.

His stomach was churning, his nerves on edge as he walked out of the diner holding the foam cup. One strawberry milkshake, just the way El liked it, with extra swirls of whipped cream and no cherry. She didn't like cherries, or anything cherry-flavored, really. But her love for pink colored things often ended up with her taking a lick of pink lollipop and grimacing.

"Cherry," she'd swallow like it was painful and then hand it over to him. "Here, you can have it."

He didn't love cherry stuff either, but he never made her eat whatever food she'd mistakenly bought, munching on it quietly as she sighed and reordered something with chocolate. Her backup flavor.

His foot snagged on the sidewalk and he almost tripped, barely managing to keep from dropping the cup as he swore loudly, his hand scraping against the brick wall of the diner as he caught himself.

"Ouch, shit!"

He pressed his palm to his mouth, sucking on the bleeding scrap and wincing. Of course. Nothing could go right today, the one day he needed it to. He'd accidentally used Holly's toothbrush, messed up an order at work and got yelled at by his manager, and slammed his finger in his car door. It still throbbed, now matched by the cut on his palm.

As he made his way back to his car, being more careful about where he put his feet, he spotted a yellow slip tucked under the windshield wiper and groaned. No. No way. There was no way he had a parking ticket, he'd only been gone for ten minutes and he'd fed the—

He groaned again. He'd forgotten to put change in the meter.

Setting the milkshake down on the hood of the car he reached for the ticket with a huff, glaring at the stupid amount of money he'd have to pay for a ten minute stop. Slamming his fist against the car he flinched as pain shot up his already tender hand.

"God damn it!"

"Mike?"

He whirled around, scowling, and saw Dustin standing on the sidewalk behind him, holding a bag. His friend looked concerned, glancing down at the milkshake and then back at Mike, confused.

"Why do you have a milkshake?"

"Why do you _care?_ " Mike snapped, then immediately felt remorseful. "Shit, sorry, Dustin. I'm having the _shittiest_ day. Not your fault."

He deflated, leaning against the car and Dustin joined him, pulling out a comic from the bag in his hands with a grin.

"Want to see what I got? Gary managed to find me a copy of Batman: Year One and it's pretty fucking amazing."

"I still can't believe you turned to the dark side," Mike rolled his eyes. "Marvel wasn't good enough for you?"

"Okay, I'm never turning my back on X-Men, Mike. I just appreciate more than one kind of superhero storyline," Dustin defended. "It's not my fault you're stuck in your same old boring way."

"I thought you were trying to cheer me up."

Dustin slid the comic back into the bag, turning to look at him.

"Do you need cheering up?"

"I mean…" Mike sighed. "I wouldn't mind one of your stupid pep talks right now."

"Why? Are you going somewhere?"

"Um…"

El had asked him not to tell anyone, but Dustin didn't really count. And honestly… he could use the advice. And help. He felt like he was in way over his head, unsure of what to say to be able to convince her.

" _I can't tell if you're lying over the phone."_

He winced as he remembered her words. It was fair, he'd broken her trust more than once by now and there was no reason for her to trust him now. In fact, he was starting to realize she might never trust him again, which really sucked. What was he supposed to say?

"Okay, you can't tell _anyone_ , but… El and I are going for a drive. To talk," he mumbled, looking down.

"Woah, really? I thought she was super pissed at you?"

Mike gave him a sidelong look.

"How do you know that? Have you talked to her or something?" he asked hopefully.

"Ha, no. I haven't seen her since…" he squinted. "I went over to Will's last week to work on our Bio project and she was moping in front of the TV watching Dirty Dancing and eating an entire half gallon of strawberry ice cream."

Her usual sad routine. Mike winced.

"And when I asked her if she was okay she told me she was fine," Dustin rolled her eyes. "So I invited her to the next campaign and she told me she'd rather fuck the Demogorgon… um, her words, not mine," he winced sympathetically. "I figured you must have pissed her off again."

"You're not wrong," Mike sighed.

"Is because you two have been boinking so much lately?"

Dustin's question was so casual it took Mike a second to process what he'd said. He almost fell over.

"Wait, _what_? How do you—I mean, no, we weren't—"

"Oh, cut it out, Mike. You might have fooled Lucas and everyone else, but I know what you look like when you're getting some. El too. You guys really aren't that subtle…"

"But I—We were—How do you… _what?!_ "

Mike's mouth hung open, totally flabbergasted. How the hell had Dustin figured it out? They had been so careful… right?

Then he remembered one time when their friend had walked in on them in his room last year when they were still dating. Dustin had come over because Mike had promised to go comic shopping with him, but El had popped in and they'd ended up sneaking up to his room. Poor Dustin had blinked at El, in nothing but a pink bra, who had been sitting on top of a naked Mike, and then down at Mike, before saying nothing and shutting the door again.

They'd never spoken of it and Mike had kind of blocked it out. Who wanted to remember that? But it explained how Dustin could tell. They really weren't as sneaky as they thought.

"That first D&D campaign?" Dustin hinted. "El came back down looking way too smug and then the two of you were basically boning each other with your eyes the rest of the night. I don't know how I was the _only one who noticed_ ," he rolled his eyes. "But I can't forget what your face looks like when you're porking so…"

"Why do you have to call it that," Mike grimaced.

"What? Porking? Or boinking?"

" _Both_."

"Haha, cause you always make that face," Dustin grinned but then sobered. "So what did you do that pissed her off so much? She obviously wasn't that mad about the breakup if the two of you were still screwing."

"It's… well…"

Mike didn't want to relive that day when he'd said those terrible words. He wanted to blot it out of his mind and pretend it hadn't happened. But if he was going to apologize to El, he needed to, so he sighed, shifting uncomfortably.

"You remember when you and Lucas came over and watched Close Encounters?"

"Yeah, so?"

"And, uh, Lucas got on my ass again?"

"Oh, and you said all those shitty things about El to shut him up?" Dustin frowned. "You didn't mean that stuff though, right? Cause that shit was cruel."

"I didn't," Mike promised. "At all. He just made me so mad…"

"Yeah, Lucas is good at that. Anyways, why is that relevant? Did she find out?"

Mike bit his lip and looked down.

"She was hiding in the bathroom. We'd just—She'd come over for a bit before you two idiots barged in and we were just… um, we banged a few times—"

"A _few times?_ "

Mike ignored him. "So she hid in the bathroom since I couldn't not let you in."

"And she heard everything," Dustin guessed, letting out a whistle. "Shit."

"Yeah."

It was quiet as Dustin tried to think of a good response and Mike fidgeted, waiting for his friend's response. He desperately needed the advice on even where to start.

"What are you guys going to talk about?"

"Um… well, I was planning on apologizing to start…" Mike licked his lips. "But after that I'm not… sure…"

"Well that kind of depends on how she reacts, to be fair," Dustin nodded. "She might tell you to fuck off forever and that'll kind of end the conversation. Or she might throw herself at you and forgive you. I don't know if I can help you out, man. She's too unpredictable."

Mike sighed, feeling gloomy. So much for getting help.

"You know her better than anyone, Mike. You guys have been in love since you were twelve. Just be honest with her and hope she believes you," Dustin turned to look at him. "And I mean be honest about everything. If you've been holding back anything, now is the time to get that shit out in the open."

His heart sped up. He knew what that meant. It was time to admit why he'd dumped her in the first place, why he'd let all of this get messed up. Time to talk about his fears and what they'd made him do. What he'd let them make him do. He sighed.

"You're right…" he glanced down at his watch and almost jumped. "Oh shit it's almost nine-thirty I have to go, I can't be late," he gasped.

"Good luck, Mike," Dustin grinned, handing him the milkshake as he shoved himself into the car.

He sped the whole way to the Byers place, his sweating palms making the steering wheel slick in his hands, his heart pounding so loud he was sure it was going to burst. But when he pulled up in front of the house, she was standing there, leaning against one of the beams on the front porch, wearing a gauzy white dress and looking like a ghost.

He didn't honk or wave, waiting silently as she walked across the yard and then to the passenger seat, the door opening. She slid in, not looking at him, slamming the door and reaching for the seat belt, eyes fixed down. It was tense and silent and he swallowed thickly.

"Um, so, where do you want to go?"

His voice sounded weird and he winced as she stared straight forward, not looking over, her entire body tense. Her fingers were fisted into the thin, flowy material of her white skirt and she looked pale, her jaw tight, teeth clenched. Not a good sign.

"Anywhere. I don't care," she rasped. "Somewhere people won't see."

"Um, I only know the one place…"

He meant their usual makeout spot, a tiny, almost invisible gravel driveway that led up to an abandoned, ruined cabin. They'd never once been interrupted there and he was blanking on where else to go. She sighed loudly.

"Sure. As long as it's quiet."

The drive was awkward, but thankfully short, since it wasn't too far from her house. He tried not to keep glancing over but he couldn't help it, it had been so long since he'd seen her. She smelled like floral soap and a hint of smoke, her usual perfume, the one he'd missed so much. And she looked pretty, the dress one he hadn't seen before. It was light and gauzy, with thin straps and an uneven skirt, almost hippie-ish except it was pure white. He realized she wasn't wearing a bra and then immediately berated himself for noticing. Unimportant.

They pulled into the small clearing, the cabin it's usual hollow self, the dark, empty windows mocking him. It looked as forlorn as he felt and he parked the car, turning it off and then sitting in the uncomfortable silence, unsure of how to start.

" _Just be honest with her and hope she believes you."_

Dustin's words came back and he sighed before turning, unbuckling his seatbelt and facing her. He wanted her to see his face, to know he was telling the truth. But she stubbornly refused to look at him, jaw clenching and unclenching and he wiped his sweaty palms on his shorts.

"El, I—"

At her name her head snapped to look at him and he saw the angry tears there, that threatened to overflow from her eyes. He blinked and then her hand was up, moving through the air so quickly he didn't realize she'd slapped him until his cheek started stinging. Her face was full of rage and he gaped, reaching up towards his own, totally shocked.

"Wha—"

She slapped him across the other cheek before he could get the question out, glaring for a moment, her face twisted into what he could only describe as pure hatred. Then she burst into tears, curling into a ball, her legs pulled up to her chest, sinking into herself, looking pitiful. Her sobs rocked the car, her body trembling as she wailed and despite his stinging cheeks and shocked feeling, he felt his heart shatter.

"No, no no no, El, I'm sorry, please don't cry," he tried to reach out to her but she flinched away and he pulled his hand back, realizing he couldn't do anything.

She didn't want his comfort. She didn't him at all.

The realization hit him like a truck going a hundred miles an hour, the air leaving his lungs as if he'd been kicked in the chest. It was the first time he wasn't able to comfort her, the pain and hurt and sadness caused by _him_. It was his fault, all of it, and the guilt weighed him down as he listened to her cry. Cry over him.

Tears welled up in his own eyes as he watched her sob into her hands, shoulders shaking, her entire body mourning over what had happened between them. Every instinct in his being was screaming at him to reach for her and hold her and make her feel better. But he couldn't even if he wanted and he sat and watched instead, her sorrow his punishment. The tears streamed down his face, dripping from his chin, his fingers twitching towards her as he yearned to comfort her.

It took her a solid five minutes to start to calm, hiccupping and gasping, reaching up to wipe her face, her hair sticking to her chin and cheeks, eyes red-rimmed and swollen. Everything about it was messy and visceral and painful and she took a deep breath, trying to shake it off, trying to piece herself back together for the thousandth time. All because of him.

He swallowed.

"El?"

She didn't move a muscle.

"I… I'm sorry, El. I'm so sorry."

There was a breath as his apology filled the space between them and she finally swiveled her head to look at him, her glass-spun eyes meeting his repentant ones. She was shattered, the cracks visible in her gaze, her chin trembling as a single word left her mouth.

"Wh-Why?"

It was the question he'd been dreading. The one she deserved an answer for.

Why had he broken up with her? Why had he said those hurtful things in an angry haze? Why had he let her give herself to him over and over? Why had he let all of it go on so long?

Why had he let her think he didn't love her anymore?

There was no easy answer and he swallowed thickly, trying to think of where to start. How could even begin to explain the stupidity that had led them here? The doubts and fears that seemed so trivial now. It was all so stupid and he winced, looking down, unable to meet her eyes.

"Because I'm a fucking idiot, El. I was…" he glanced up for a second, "I was afraid."

"Of wh-what?"

"Of… losing you."

"So you _broke up with me?_ "

The outrage was deserved and he didn't even flinched, taking her anger in and nodding, feeling ashamed.

"I… I've loved you since we were kids, El. And thinking of leaving Hawkins, of leaving you… I just got so anxious," he explained, unable to meet her eyes again. "You've been mine for years, as long as I've known you and thinking about leaving you here for weeks—for months… I was afraid."

"Afraid of… what?" Her voice was quiet.

"Afraid you'd realize you didn't want me anymore. That there were other options… better options." He looked pained, picking at his cuticles. "I'm kind of a loser, El. Didn't you ever realize that? There are guys who are stronger and cooler, who know how to fix cars and throw a football and could… protect you," he said bitterly. "I'm a lame, scrawny nerd. You deserve so much better than me."

He dared to glance at her but her face was unreadable and he pushed on.

"I've only proved that so far. I _hurt_ you. I didn't mean to… but I did."

She was still staring blankly and he realized stating the obvious wouldn't help. But he wanted her to know that he was aware of what he'd done.

"I thought breaking up with you would be easier, so when you found someone better you wouldn't have me to hold you back, you know?" He wiped his face. "But really I was just being selfish, trying to keep myself from getting hurt but hurting you instead. I was stupid… like Brenner. I convinced myself I was doing what was best for you… but I never asked you and I am _so_ sorry. Forget me, forget fucking _everything_ if you want," he licked his lips, eyes wide and wet as he stared at her, "but please know I am so so so sorry for reminding you of him for even a second."

A slight inhale, her only reaction so far. He kept going, knowing there was more he needed to beg forgiveness for. For letting her feel… used.

"And then… I tried so hard to keep my distance and you came into that bedroom at that party looking so fucking _hot_. I didn't even know you owned that purple dress…" he was thinking about how she'd looked that night, done up with red lipstick, all legs and curves and anger. He shook himself out of it. "You looked so good I couldn't say no and I was mad at myself for giving in and you were mad at me and I'm still—I should never have said those mean things. I never, ever, _ever_ once thought you were a slut."

"I called myself that," she interrupted.

He leaned forward a bit, not expecting her voice but longing, and she met his eyes, hers still wet and raw and open.

"You don't… I let that happen too," she admitted, unwilling to let him take all of the blame. "I called myself that, let myself be that. I wanted to be something to you, even if it was just something to fuck when you felt like it."

"It wasn't like that though, I swear," his hand reached forward a bit and he was an inch closer to her, eyes huge. "Every time you came over, every time we had sex… it was me just trying to hold onto you even though I knew it was wrong. I never thought you were a slut or a whore, I just… I wanted you to still be my girlfriend even if I was too stupid to realize it." He bit his lip. "But it still wasn't okay. I shouldn't have let it happen, not that first time or the time during the campaign…"

That had been the one he'd enjoyed the most, when she hadn't been expecting it but had been so willing anyways. He'd been so selfish, using her body to make himself feel good and not even bothering to kiss her lips and say thank you. He grimaced at the memory.

"I shouldn't have let it keep happening and I'm sorry for that too. I just want you to know that you were never my… my whore. It was my stupid selfishness and I'm sorry," he gave her a quick glance. "It's hard for me to resist you but that's still not an excuse and—oh!"

He scooted towards her on the bench seat, reaching forward to open the glove compartment and pull out a bag. Her multiple pairs of panties she'd left in his pocket or on his floor. There were at last six and as she took the bag and glanced inside she squinted, contemplating, before looking at him.

"I didn't make it easy, did I?" her lip curled up a bit and he felt his heart jump at her smile.

"Um… no, but it's still my fault. I could have said no and I didn't."

She set the bag on the floor and finally turned to face him, one leg tucked beneath her as she assessed him, eyebrow raised. So far it seemed like he'd been telling the truth, face so honest and heartbroken that there was no way he was lying. He had the same tears she had in her eyes, ones of pain and heartache and sadness. Of grief, over the trust they'd lost and the hurt that now lay between them.

Was it something that could be fixed?

"So… you really think I would leave you for someone else after you left?" her voice oozed contempt and she realized she was still angry. "That I'd just let some other guy sweep me off my feet because you're not around anymore?"

"Um," he winced. "That's pretty stupid, huh?"

"That's more than stupid, Mike. That's fucking ridiculous," she shook her head. "You're telling me you love me more than anything, that you always have… but you won't believe I feel the same way?"

His mouth gaped open, eyes widening as she began the process of forgiveness and admittance.

"I _love_ you, Mike. I have since you hid me in your basement and fed me Eggos and taught me what it was like to actually live," her voice broke. "I used to be so afraid… I hurt you because of that too. I pulled away and let you think I was unsure about my feelings even though I was just so afraid of loving you…"

"Really?"

His voice was a squeak.

"Even now, even after everything you've done and said… part of me still wants you. I still want you, Mike, and I hate—No, not hate…" she sighed. "I'm just… I'm worried that it's blinding me," she bit her lip. "If you hurt me like this and lied to me… how do I know you won't do it again?"

"El…"

"I don't know if I can survive losing you again," she whispered.

Suddenly they were both crying, but this time when he reached, she didn't flinch away, allowing him to grip her hand tightly in his. It was a lifeline, the only solid connection they had to each other and she clung to him as she hiccupped, a matching sob shaking his body. He shook his head suddenly, reaching up to wipe the tears from his face.

"I won't ever leave you again, El. I promise," his eyes were dead serious. "I'm not… I called the MIT enrollment office and I'm not going—"

"What?!"

Her tears evaporated, replaced by outrage.

"But… that was your dream!" She glared at him. "You were supposed to go, you studied so hard and—"

"I'm still going to college. Indiana University in Bloomington. It's only forty minutes away," he tried to smile. "My dream changed, El."

"B-But," she sputtered. "It was… what about your future? As a tech CEO?"

He was still clutching her hand, looking down at it and turning it over, tracing a nonsensical pattern onto her palm as he tried to find the words to explain why he had done it. It was simple but complicated and he took a deep breath before he looked back up, meeting her stare with eyes so honest and full of love she gasped.

"I don't want that future if you're not in it, El," he scooted closer, face earnest. "You're the only thing I want and if you're not in my future, I don't want it."

He smiled, bringing her hand up to his lips and softly kissing her knuckles, keeping his eyes fixed on hers.

"I love you, El. I love you more than anything. Even college. You're all I've ever wanted… I lived without you once and I never want to again. It hurts too much and I wouldn't survive being so far away from you." He frowned suddenly. "I'm sorry it took so long for me to realize that, but I won't ever hurt you like this again, El. I'll never leave you ever again."

Her eyes softened and he smiled, his own gaze warm and full of undeniable love.

"I promise."

"Promise?" she breathed.

"Promise."

She was crawling to him, across the seat and he leaned towards her, his whole body anticipating meeting hers as she reached for him. Her lips crashed into his and then he was gathering her into his arms, breathing her in like she was oxygen and he'd been drowning. It was full of tears and forgiveness and hope, their lips tracing each other's faces as they tried to make up for the weeks of being apart. Her hands tangled into his hair, keeping him close like she was afraid to let go.

When they pulled back to breath, he looked her in the eyes, reaching up to tuck a strand of loose, honey-brown hair behind her ear so gently she sighed and leaned into his touch. His hand cupped her face, thumb stroking her bottom lip, his nose bumping into hers as he pressed their foreheads together.

"Am I… does this mean you believe me?" he asked, voice full of hope.

"I know when you're lying, Mike," she whispered. "You're not lying."

She was in his lap, curled up, arms around his neck, and she kissed him again, this one less frantic and more needy, her legs moving to straddle his hips. One of the straps of her dress fell down her shoulder, the skirt riding up, and he inhaled sharply, feeling desire stir in him.

But he wouldn't. Not after everything they'd just been through. That would be stupid and rude, the exact thing that had almost destroyed them. There was no way he was giving in, no way in hell, not a single thing could change his—

Her tongue traced his earlobe and he shuddered as she pressed herself against him with a sigh.

"El?"

"Mike?" her eyes were hazy.

"We… we can't. We shouldn't. I don't want you to feel like this is all I want from you," he searched her face, his own earnest. "Because it's not."

"I know, Mike. I was the one who thought that," she pressed her hips down again and he groaned despite himself. "But this is… you love me, right?"

Her eyes were searching his and he tried to hide the desire, afraid she would think it was all he wanted. At her question he sobered, reaching up with both hands to hold her face, thumbs stroking her cheekbones.

"I love you more than anything in this entire world, El," his voice was deliberate and calm. "You _are_ my entire world. I love you so much it almost hurts."

"Then…" she blinked, grabbing his hand with hers and guiding it lower. "Show me. Please, I… I need you to love me again. Not just sex… love. Please?"

There was no way he could refuse her and as she led his hand down to the front of her dress, he let out a long breath. If this was what she wanted…

Her eyes were certain and he nodded, his other hand reaching up to tug her other strap down her shoulder, exposing her bare chest to him as he gazed at up her face.

"I love you, El," he repeated before giving in completely.

He pressed his face between her breasts and inhaled, trying to memorize the smell of her skin, reaching up and cupping them gently, feeling her shudder. He palmed them, squeezing gently and then trailing kisses to the left one and taking it into his mouth as she gasped, sucking and then nibbling. He moved to the other one, repeating his movements and trying to elicit the best responses, listening to her, wanting it to be all about her and her pleasure.

Her hands tangled into his hair and pulled his face back up so she could kiss him again, their tongues tangling as she fell onto her side a bit. Moving her carefully, he gently laid her down on her back, hovering over her as she spread her thighs and let him kneel between them.

It definitely wasn't the first time they'd done this in his car, but it was the first time it was like this, nothing but warm love and trust between them. They kissed again as he leaned down over her, pulling back to look at her. Her dress was pushed down around her waist, chest bared to him, her thighs squeezing his hips as she reached for him, her lips pink and swollen, face flushed.

"You really are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life," he breathed as he ran his hand over her soft skin, thumbing her nipple as she shuddered beneath him. "I can't ever imagine not wanting you, El."

"Love me, Mike," she breathed. "Please."

Their lips met again, open and needy, silent breaths whispering to each other as they kissed and he caught her hand with his, intertwining their fingers and squeezing gently. His head moved down to her neck, lower to her breasts again, making her back arch up to him, her breath catching in her throat. He moved even lower, kissing down her belly until he was at the edge of her skirt, looking up.

"Are you sure?" he blinked, eyes hazy but questioning.

"Yes."

He pushed the fabric up, sitting up a bit and gently tugging her panties up her legs and letting them fall to the floor, quickly moving back between her thighs. His tongue met her wet heat and she gasped, her grip on his hand tightening as he began to lap at her, his other hand on her inner thigh.

"Mike," she gasped.

He looked up and their eyes met as he darted his tongue into her, her eyebrows flying up. He drew gasps and moans from her, never breaking eye contact as he worked her with his tongue, knowing what to do to make her cry out. His hand slid up and then he carefully, slowly, pushed a finger into her, feeling her legs twitch as she groaned. It went in easily, followed by a second, and he synchronized his movements, feeling her start to tighten.

"Oh god," she whimpered, "Oh my god."

He curled his fingers into her, pumping them as he nibbled her clit and she couldn't take it anymore, her body jolting as she squeezed around him, her thighs clenching around his head as she keened loudly, back arching up off the seat.

Normally he would stop after he made her cum, but he didn't, continuing the pressure and keeping his fingers in her, her climax barely winding down before the next one hit, even more intense than the first. Her whole body trembled and her thighs held him like a vice as her back arched for a second time, eyes rolling.

" _Fuck!_ "

She cried out and then her body relaxed, going totally limp as he sat back a bit, feeling her legs shaking as she tried to catch her breath. It took a few seconds but then she looked down at him again, eyes wide and appreciative. He didn't move from between her thighs, licking his lips and feeling a little chapped, though he wasn't going to complain.

"Do you, um, I mean… how many do you want?" he asked, voice unsure.

Her brow furrowed. "How many do I want?"

"I'll keep going," he brushed his fingers against her throbbing center, making her jump. "I'll make you cum as many times as you want."

She looked dumbstruck and then her eyes crinkled up in amusement as she understood what he meant. Her hands reached for him, pulling him back up her body so she could kiss him again, heart thumping as she tasted herself on his lips. She wrapped her legs around his waist so they were pressed together, feeling how hard he was, straining against his jeans. And he was willing to completely forgo any pleasure on his part to make her feel good.

The last bit of hesitation broke and she let the love she felt for him pour out of her and match his own, lips smiling against his.

He loved her. She knew he did but he truly did, in every way. His tears and honesty and willingness to sacrifice things that were important to him for her… she believed him now. The words in the basement had been anger and annoyance and she could see in his eyes that he had never regretted anything so much in his life.

He wanted her, but not just her body, he wanted _her_. And she wanted him too.

"Mike?"

He pulled back, his hazy eyes meeting hers, questioning.

"Yeah, El? Are you okay?" He looked worried. "Do you want to stop? It's okay, I won't get mad or—"

"Shhh," she hushed him with another kiss and he calmed. "I… I forgive you, Mike. I know you didn't mean it. It just hurt so much I didn't know—"

"I'm so sorry, El," tears flooded his eyes again. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. I'll never do anything that stupid every again."

She kissed the tears from his eyes.

"I know, Mike."

"I love you so much, El," he pressed his nose into her hair, breathing her in. "I'm… I'm always going to be yours. I can't ever love anyone as much as I love you, even if you… if you ever want to leave me. I'll still love you."

The words were hard to get out and his shoulders shuddered as tried to accept his biggest fear, of losing her again. He'd barely survived the first time and she grabbed his face, making him look into her eyes, seeing the tears that stained his face.

"I'm not going to leave you, Mike. You're the only thing I've ever wanted," their hearts seemed to beat together, synching as one. "I'm yours too. Forever. I promise."

"You're m-mine?" his eyes widened.

"I'm yours. Your El," she smiled. "You gave me my name, Mike. I was yours from the beginning."

There were no more words that could be said and she wanted proof, hands moving down and unbuttoning his pants, shoving them down his hips hastily. He sprang free, a groan leaving his throat as he kicked them off, still hesitant despite his obvious desire.

"El," his eyes were full of need, but he had to be sure. "Are you… you won't feel bad?"

"No, Mike. You love me, right?"

"Yes," he didn't hesitate. "More than than anything."

"Show me."

He bumped against her thigh as he shifted, moving forwards so their hips met, both gasping as they made contact. She was soaking, her double orgasm leaving her more than ready, and he throbbed as he pressed against her, pushing forward slowly, her slickness making it easy.

He slipped in and they both groaned, El's hands gripping his biceps as he moved all the way inside of her, filling her completely and making her throw her head back as a ripple of pleasure pulsed through her.

It didn't hurt or feel like too much, it felt perfect and she marveled again at how they were made for each other in every way. He was staring down, at where they bodies were joined, thinking a similar thought but she pulled him back up for a kiss. When the separated she stared into his eyes.

His pupils were dilated, his body reacting to the love he felt for her, every single part of him trying to tell her how much he loved her. He brushed her hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ears and nuzzling her temple sweetly, reveling in the privilege of being allowed inside of her again, even after everything he'd done.

"I don't deserve you," he whispered.

"You loved me when no one else did, Mike," she murmured back. "Without you I'd still think life was better trapped in that lab. You deserve more than anyone I know."

He shifted, hot and heavy inside of her and they groaned, her hips bucking up, begging him to move. But he had to say it, one more time.

"I love you, El."

"I love you too."

He moved his hips, rolling them instead of thrusting, trying to be gentle unlike the last time when he'd fucked her without thinking about her needs. But she didn't want to fuck right now, she wanted him to love her and he would. He was more than willing to give her everything.

Her hips swiveled to meet his and she clenched, her hand cupping his cheek as he looked down at her, her chest heaving with each movement. His hand played with her hair and she snagged his wrist, bringing it to her lips and kissing his palm, shuddering as he moved faster inside of her. He was a master at knowing what made her feel good, the only one to have ever given her this kind of pleasure.

It was why his idea that she would want someone else was so absurd. No one could do better than him, no one could come close.

Her back arched as he grinded deep into her, moving his hips side to side and smiling as she gasped, his name on her tongue. It was his favorite thing, the way she said his name, whether it was in annoyance as he tickled her or like now, when it was a prayer as he moved in her. She was his lover now, not only his love but the one person he could be this close to. The only one.

And she always felt so good, her tight heat enveloping him completely, never ceasing to make him groan. They'd had sex almost two weeks in a row, sometimes more than once, and she never once stopped feeling amazing. She was like a divine miracle, sent just for him, his own personal piece of heaven.

Her walls clenched and he gritted his teeth, refusing to cum so early. Not until she was there with him, not until she felt what he made her feel.

"Fuck," he gasped, trying to calm. "You're my best friend. I… you're my soulmate, El. There's no one else but you."

"Oh," her eyes widened as he sped his hips up. "Oh oh oh, _Mike_."

Her thighs gripped tightly around his hips, pulling him in even deeper and she cried out as he shifted and moved in at a different angle. Her brows furrowed, mouth gasping, eyes wide as she stared up at him.

"Mike," she keened. "Mike, please, I want you. I love you."

"El," he gasped. "El, my El."

He moved impossibly fast, their hips colliding noisily as he tried to express what she meant to him, just how much he loved her, how much he _needed_ her. Her sweet voice cried out for him, her body tightening around him as she called his name.

She came _hard_ , clenching him like a vise, walls fluttering as her fingers dug into his shoulders and her back arched, eyes rolling so he only saw the whites, her expression one of pure euphoria.

He exploded, his vision whiting out as he spurted into her deeply, painting her inside with his special color, sealing their connection. His body went limp almost immediately and he nearly fell onto her, barely catching himself on his elbows before he crushed her. She was still shuddering and twitching beneath him and then she gasped, every single muscle relaxing as she fell back onto the seat.

They were panting, gasping, the moment between them having stolen their breath completely away, neither able to speak. He tried to move but she didn't let him, keeping him close against her, their hips pressed together.

"Don't," she gasped, "don't pull out yet. I like to—" another gasp, "feel you."

He didn't complain, not wanting to break the connection yet either, shiting a bit instead so he wasn't squishing her as much. It was messy there, her thighs slick, but he didn't complain, instead kissing her forehead, then her cheeks and nose and chin, trying to memorize the feeling of her face with his lips. She giggled and met his lips with hers, deepening the kiss until they both had to pull back catch their breath again.

"That was…" she looked up at him, eyes wide. "I… wow."

She was speechless and he grinned, feeling a little smug. He did know how to make her feel good after all. He liked making her feel good.

"Did I—Was it enough? I could do it again if you want, um, make you—"

"Mike," her eyes danced with laughter. "Don't worry, that one was pretty good."

They were still joined, and she glanced down at their bodies, biting her lip.

"I like having you inside of me," she admitted. "I feel… whole."

"If I could stay like this forever, I would," he promised. "I love you, El."

"I love you more," she teased.

"Not possible."

She started to sit up, giving him the okay to move and he pulled himself out, frowning as he dribbled onto her thigh and looking around for something to wipe her off with, feeling bad.

"Shit, sorry, El. I haven't… that was, um, a lot, sorry—"

"It's okay, Mike," she tilted her head cheekily. "That was one thing I didn't mind, honestly."

"You didn't mind what?" He didn't catch her meaning.

"Your cum. On my thighs," she shrugged and moved his hands away. "I like it. It's part of you I get to keep that no one knows about."

He swallowed. That was super fucking hot but he didn't want to say that and make her feel used again. It kind of was a dominance thing, the first time he'd said that at the party, angry that she would try and go fuck someone else. But apparently it had become something else to her and he nodded.

"Oh. Okay."

She laughed. "Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, totally," his heart pounded. "I'll… as long as it doesn't make you feel… bad."

"Nah," she shook her head as sat up all the way. "I mean, should I feel slutty having my boyfriend's cum on me? I think it's kind of sweet…"

The air left his lungs and his eyes flew wide.

"Wait—did you say, I mean, are you saying you—" he was spluttering, too excited to be able to get a single world out right. "Are we, I mean, did you want—"

"I said I wanted you, Mike. I forgive you for making a mistake, like you've always forgiven me," her eyes crinkled happily. "I believe you, that you love me. You promised, right?"

"Yes," he said quickly.

"Then… of course I want you back. Or do you…" Fear filled her eyes. "Unless you don't want me—"

He crashed his lips into hers, kissing her so fiercely that there was no doubt whether or not he wanted her. Her hands tangled into his hair as he pulled her into his lap, one hand on her waist and the other holding her face to his. He pulled back.

"Does that answer that question?"

"Yes," she breathed.

"I love you, El. You're my best friend, my sunshine, the best thing I've had in my life—"

"Your soulmate?" She raised a brow and he flushed, remembering his words while in the throes of passion.

"Yeah, that too."

He grabbed her hand, placing it on his chest and resting his over it, pressing it against his heart.

"Do you feel that?" She nodded, biting her lip. "It beats for you, El. Only you."

Her fingers intertwined with his and then she placed his hand over her heart, letting him feel each beat, eyes half-lidded, lips curving upward.

"I think we have the same heart," she mused. "Because mine beats the same as yours."

He let her hand go and took his other one back from her, reaching up he cupped her face with his hands, bringing her lips to his for a chaste kiss and then resting his forehead against hers, trying to breathe in and remember the moment.

She had offered him grace and forgiveness despite how much he didn't deserve it, despite what he'd done and his heart swelled with gratitude. He had never deserved her and he never would, but that didn't keep her from wanting him. Their hearts were one, their bodies were one, and she melted against him, tucking herself into him as he held her.

"Are you really not going to MIT?" she whispered, hating to break the moment but wanting to know if he was serious.

"I dropped out," he admitted. "It wasn't a full scholarship there anyways, Indiana U offered me a full ride and it's closer and Dustin is going too."

"But they don't have as good of programs," she tried to protest.

"I don't need their programs, El. I'll figure it out… I wasn't really loving the idea of taking business classes anyways. CEOs are overrated… maybe I'll become a teacher instead. Like Mr. Clarke."

"But—"

"El, listen to me," he tilted her chin with gentle fingers so their eyes met. "I love you and I want to be near you… but it wasn't just you. The closer it's been getting to leaving the more I've been dreading it. I felt… in over my head. And not in a good way. I wasn't excited at all, I was just anxious and panicky and full of dread. Being away from home, from the guys…" he kissed her softly. "And from you."

He snuggled into her, pressing his face into the crook of her neck and inhaling her scent, his breath tickling her and making her squirm. He pulled back.

"I feel better now… everyone kind of expected me to go to MIT but I realized it's not… I didn't want it as much as I thought I did. So don't feel guilty or try and blame yourself because I feel happier now than I have in my entire life."

"Really?"

"Really." His arms tightened around her. "My future is right here."

She laughed and twisted around so she could kiss him again, letting his happiness overflow into her and believing that he had made the right choice.

They talked for the next hour and a half, filling each other in on everything that had happened since they'd been apart. He told her about the funny customers he'd dealt with and she told a story about a dog she'd been dogsitting for that had dropped a dead mouse in her lap a few days ago. What their families had been up to. What their friends were doing.

It was like nothing had happened, his body warm against her as he held her close, occasionally tickling her or kissing her. But there was something more that surrounded them, the usual glow of love intensified to a higher degree. They had both broken and bent, but were now stronger than ever, the trust and belief even deeper than before. He promised to be honest about his fears from now on and she promised to always tell him if she felt uncomfortable or used.

Never again would they splinter apart so intensely again. It was a different love, better somehow, softer and gentler, soothing the broken pieces and fixing them back together. It would get them through the rest of their lives, through the joys and pitfalls and the lulls of nothing inbetween.

"Mike?"

Her head was on his shoulder, her entire body tucked him into, her dress soft against his skin.

"Hm?"

"I love you," her face was pressed against his neck, so her words were muffled.

He exhaled contentedly, wrapping his arms around her waist and squeezing her so tightly she squeaked a bit, smiling and nuzzling her temple.

"I love you too, El."

Closing his eyes he made a silent promise to himself to never let her go again, to never hurt her again and be so stupid and selfish. To always protect her, even from himself, to love her as deeply as possible and share everything.

His hand found hers, tracing patterns on the back sweetly as she sighed happily and snuggled further into him, her breath warm on his skin.

"I always will."

* * *

 ** _AN:_**

 ** _Annnnnd it's done. I'm not planning an epilogue so this is kinda it. Thanks for hanging in here with me even though it took so long. I'm not sure when I'll have again to think up another story but if you guys have requests feel free to shoot them my way._**

 ** _I do have some one-shots that I think I might write, but I'm just really busy and tired so I can't make any promises._**

 ** _Leave me reviews though, that motivates me more than anything. I love hearing what you all like and knowing what you want. I'm a people please, I suppose._**

 ** _Thanks again!_**

 ** _~Wyn_**


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